Critics Consensus

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales and Baywatch Hit Choppy Waters

Plus, Twin Peaks is back and Certified Fresh.

by | May 25, 2017 | Comments

This week at the movies, we have Jack Sparrow’s latest voyage (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, starring Johnny Depp and Javier Bardem) and some hardbodies at the beach (Baywatch, starring Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron). What do the critics have to say?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) 30%

In a number of ways, Hollywood’s approach to filmmaking over the past 15 years or so has offered a case study in just how possible it can be to turn unlikely ideas into box office gold, and Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is a pretty incredible case in point. The studio raised no shortage of eyebrows when it announced plans to turn its popular theme park attraction into a movie, and Johnny Depp wasn’t really anyone’s idea of a pirate — but the first installment, 2003’s Curse of the Black Pearl, was a critical and commercial hit, earning Depp an Oscar nomination for his performance as the perpetually sozzled Captain Jack Sparrow. Rare is the franchise that can avoid the law of diminishing returns, however, and Black Pearl‘s sequels have seen their fortunes sink to the mucky green depths of the Tomatometer. With the fifth chapter, this weekend’s Dead Men Tell No Tales, the Pirates saga was supposed to enjoy a course correction courtesy of Kon-Tiki directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, but unfortunately, critics say this adventure’s just as bloated, narratively muddled, and effects-dependent as its immediate predecessors. If you’re dying to sail the seas of CGI cheese or have always wanted to see Paul McCartney in pirate garb, then avast ye to the theater; otherwise, stick to the landlubber’s life — at least until the next Pirates sets sail.

Baywatch (2017) 18%

Baywatch spent many of its 11 seasons on the airwaves as a worldwide ratings monster, but it was never really meant to be taken seriously. Mixing high camp with high tide — and plenty of slow-motion shots of beautiful people running in swimwear — it entertained millions without ever accomplishing much in the way of character development or thought-provoking plot. All of which should have made it pretty easy to put together a fun Baywatch movie, especially with a cast that included Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandria Daddario, and Kelly Rohrbach; as genially charming as they are easy on the eyes, this crew seemed like a natural fit for a post-ironic update on the cheesy TV legend. Sadly, as it so often seems to do in these situations, something got lost in translation — while the big-screen Baywatch definitely takes advantage of its R-rated freedom, critics say it can’t decide whether it wants to mock or embrace its source material, and the end result is a muddled, mostly unfunny mess. These stars are all bound for better projects, but if it’s laughs you’re after this weekend, you might be better off with a marathon of the original series.

What’s New on TV


Twin Peaks: The Return (2017) 94%

Surreal, suspenseful, and visually stunning, this new Twin Peaks is an auteurist triumph for David Lynch.

Also Opening This Week In Limited Release

Tag Cloud

Election Paramount Network The CW Fantasy TIFF Food Network 20th Century Fox RT History Kids & Family History Marathons TBS OWN Universal YA Superheroes TruTV Comic Book Mystery Martial Arts Emmys A&E singing competition diversity Crackle Comedy Super Bowl Animation GLAAD composers Mary Tyler Moore discovery cops Disney Character Guide BET Pop Freeform DC Universe police drama Superheroe adventure CMT President Countdown Marvel Polls and Games unscripted TV thriller biography FOX Action GIFs Trailer crime thriller USA Star Wars X-Men Interview Amazon PBS ITV Lifetime dceu boxoffice Video Games The Arrangement Box Office Infographic CBS Year in Review Ghostbusters Cosplay Disney Channel Musical Western Fall TV AMC Reality Adult Swim Nominations Tumblr supernatural TV Land based on movie comiccon Sneak Peek FX Summer Grammys Sundance Now Lucasfilm Esquire WGN Set visit Valentine's Day political drama Ellie Kemper GoT NYCC 2016 Trivia CNN cats psycho CW Seed Rocky Sony Pictures Calendar Photos Drama ABC Family Netflix social media zombie harry potter BBC Tomatazos IFC MSNBC Watching Series DirecTV Music war Sundance Masterpiece APB Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt 21st Century Fox Country FXX BBC America golden globes Rock Awards E3 spy thriller Biopics period drama Holidays Writers Guild of America VICE vampires aliens Starz YouTube Red Red Carpet 2015 Horror talk show transformers Rom-Com dramedy politics First Look Lionsgate Schedule Showtime 24 frames Best and Worst science fiction E! TNT El Rey 007 Winners sports cinemax TCM Nat Geo VH1 Warner Bros. ESPN Britbox ABC Premiere Dates CBS All Access SDCC Fox News Podcast binge DC streaming service technology romance TLC SundanceTV Certified Fresh Cartoon Network 45 Christmas Acorn TV what to watch Logo Winter TV justice league serial killer Syfy ratings LGBTQ Sci-Fi historical drama docudrama medical drama Spring TV Paramount Toys cults Mindy Kaling Dark Horse Comics Spike crime drama PaleyFest Teen Musicals IFC Films HBO sitcom Reality Competition TCA 2017 Hulu Pirates Opinion robots Comedy Central NBC dc 2017 DC Comics travel Thanksgiving Pixar Oscars Extras MTV American Society of Cinematographers USA Network Nickelodeon crime Bravo TCA Star Trek cooking Creative Arts Emmys See It Skip It