Critics Consensus

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales and Baywatch Hit Choppy Waters

Plus, Twin Peaks is back and Certified Fresh.

by | May 25, 2017 | Comments

This week at the movies, we have Jack Sparrow’s latest voyage (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, starring Johnny Depp and Javier Bardem) and some hardbodies at the beach (Baywatch, starring Dwayne Johnson and Zac Efron). What do the critics have to say?

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017) 29%

In a number of ways, Hollywood’s approach to filmmaking over the past 15 years or so has offered a case study in just how possible it can be to turn unlikely ideas into box office gold, and Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean franchise is a pretty incredible case in point. The studio raised no shortage of eyebrows when it announced plans to turn its popular theme park attraction into a movie, and Johnny Depp wasn’t really anyone’s idea of a pirate — but the first installment, 2003’s Curse of the Black Pearl, was a critical and commercial hit, earning Depp an Oscar nomination for his performance as the perpetually sozzled Captain Jack Sparrow. Rare is the franchise that can avoid the law of diminishing returns, however, and Black Pearl‘s sequels have seen their fortunes sink to the mucky green depths of the Tomatometer. With the fifth chapter, this weekend’s Dead Men Tell No Tales, the Pirates saga was supposed to enjoy a course correction courtesy of Kon-Tiki directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg, but unfortunately, critics say this adventure’s just as bloated, narratively muddled, and effects-dependent as its immediate predecessors. If you’re dying to sail the seas of CGI cheese or have always wanted to see Paul McCartney in pirate garb, then avast ye to the theater; otherwise, stick to the landlubber’s life — at least until the next Pirates sets sail.

Baywatch (2017) 17%

Baywatch spent many of its 11 seasons on the airwaves as a worldwide ratings monster, but it was never really meant to be taken seriously. Mixing high camp with high tide — and plenty of slow-motion shots of beautiful people running in swimwear — it entertained millions without ever accomplishing much in the way of character development or thought-provoking plot. All of which should have made it pretty easy to put together a fun Baywatch movie, especially with a cast that included Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandria Daddario, and Kelly Rohrbach; as genially charming as they are easy on the eyes, this crew seemed like a natural fit for a post-ironic update on the cheesy TV legend. Sadly, as it so often seems to do in these situations, something got lost in translation — while the big-screen Baywatch definitely takes advantage of its R-rated freedom, critics say it can’t decide whether it wants to mock or embrace its source material, and the end result is a muddled, mostly unfunny mess. These stars are all bound for better projects, but if it’s laughs you’re after this weekend, you might be better off with a marathon of the original series.

What’s New on TV


Twin Peaks: The Return (2017) 94%

Surreal, suspenseful, and visually stunning, this new Twin Peaks is an auteurist triumph for David Lynch.

Also Opening This Week In Limited Release

Tag Cloud

travel Winners Box Office Freeform DC Comics natural history psycho jamie lee curtis Tarantino Trophy Talk TruTV IFC Films HBO Rocketman LGBT spinoff TCA TV Land Bravo Kids & Family Netflix Sundance TBS Set visit GIFs Epix Red Carpet Fall TV Apple zombies HBO Max richard e. Grant DGA Premiere Dates Awards Tour Britbox teaser TNT Paramount Network Song of Ice and Fire period drama E3 X-Men USA robots Heroines Rom-Com Trailer dramedy SDCC AMC Comedy Stephen King Amazon Prime Character Guide First Look Mary Poppins Returns IFC psychological thriller Interview composers Reality Competition Sneak Peek American Society of Cinematographers discovery Action Marvel television toy story E! Film Festival Comics on TV Countdown Lucasfilm Spectrum Originals Columbia Pictures vampires LGBTQ adaptation binge Black Mirror Amazon FXX BBC Comedy Central festivals Mindy Kaling Musical Marathons unscripted anthology DirecTV BBC America animated NBC golden globes nature mockumentary Superheroes Drama Superheroe Comic Book Music Animation cops SundanceTV facebook MTV witnail cats space aliens 24 frames Star Wars casting cinemax dceu Mary Tyler Moore Podcast Chernobyl Tumblr war Acorn TV Crackle OWN VICE comiccon YouTube Premium social media National Geographic Disney PBS TIFF boxoffice police drama Rocky cults Oscars technology RT21 WarnerMedia Cosplay disaster Warner Bros. DC streaming service The Witch USA Network finale Pixar Awards Anna Paquin ITV TV Spring TV Cannes Spike The CW spy thriller zero dark thirty ABC Family Super Bowl Shudder Elton John CMT Schedule green book blaxploitation thriller Esquire RT History Ellie Kemper Rock Fantasy CNN Starz 2016 NYCC Pirates historical drama President Walt Disney Pictures Disney Channel doctor who political drama sports Fox News medical drama Writers Guild of America Calendar Captain marvel Hulu miniseries BET Musicals Photos Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Lionsgate DC Universe Ovation Nat Geo streaming romance Nickelodeon crime game show Pride Month Pet Sematary New York Comic Con zombie MSNBC diversity FOX Mudbound APB Horror Sony Pictures MCU FX based on movie sitcom Reality singing competition transformers Showtime 2017 Nominations Brie Larson 2015 Universal El Rey CBS Quiz Certified Fresh WGN Video Games See It Skip It Best and Worst politics YA Emmy Nominations TCA 2017 Martial Arts ABC GLAAD 007 crossover GoT Biopics cooking dragons SXSW Country adventure 45 YouTube Red 21st Century Fox Food Network CBS All Access Toys VH1 Valentine's Day Trivia Vudu Polls and Games Winter TV crime thriller San Diego Comic-Con Election award winner Grammys Watching Series Mystery A&E Sci-Fi Western TLC Holidays Christmas Infographic what to watch Star Trek Pop Shondaland Mary poppins sequel Masterpiece Emmys justice league theme song Thanksgiving History comic 2018 strong female leads spider-man supernatural CW Seed Paramount biography Summer Extras science fiction Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Ghostbusters hist Lifetime true crime ratings Adult Swim Teen Year in Review 2019 mutant Cartoon Network Women's History Month Opinion ESPN harry potter Logo TCM Syfy Dark Horse Comics 20th Century Fox crime drama anime Creative Arts Emmys The Arrangement elevated horror PaleyFest talk show Sundance Now Tomatazos dc serial killer docudrama