The 10 Most Unintentionally Unsexy Sex Scenes in the Movies

From Fifty Shades to Showgirls, the scenes that tried to make us ooh and ahh, but left us going, "Huh?"

by | February 13, 2019 | Comments

Fifty Shades of Grey

(Photo by @ Focus Features)

Looking for some truly erotic cinematic experiences? Try our list of 150 Erotic Movies, ranked worst to best. Here, we’re celebrating the bad stuff – the misguided, unintentionally hilarious, and unbelievably awkward; the movie sex scenes that tried to get us hot under the collar but just left us scratching our heads. From earnest attempts at kink to moments of classic camp, these are the most unintentionally unsexy sex scenes in the movies. Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 73%

10. The Zion Rave Party

So, Zion is da club? With the lights and heat turned up? If this is what life outside of the Matrix looks like, take us back (that steak looked so good). In this scene from the first Matrix sequel, the exceptionally attractive citizens of Zion dance and gyrate while Trinity and Neo make tender, candlelit love in a kind of rock pod bed. It’s a celebration of being human that frankly had us – for a few moments anyway – favoring the 0s and 1s.

Fifty Shades of Grey (2015) 25%

9. Ana’s Introduction to the Red Room

No, Ana, not like his X-box and stuff… We could have chosen a number of scenes from the critically-lashed Fifty Shades series, but this one, which sets the franchise’s tone, felt like the greatest offender. Or perhaps it did not quite offend enough. The ladies did love those low-slung Christian Grey jeans, though, and numbers don’t lie. The scene may not have worked for us at RT, but America was digging Shades‘ vibes to the tune of almost $170 million at the box office.

The Room (2003) 25%

8. The Scene So Nice You See It Twice

Like the rest of the film, The Room’s big sex scene is so bad it’s great – but it’s definitely not sexy. In the scene — which, we should mention, is set to a Skinemax-caliber love song — Tommy showers Lisa’s naked body with petals and demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of human anatomy by aiming for her… bellybutton, we think? And just in case you missed it all the first time, Mr. Wiseau actually reuses the footage in a subsequent sex scene, because we clearly haven’t seen enough of his gyrating posterior.

Munich (2005) 78%

7. Flashback Love 

Steven Spielberg was not trying to make a “sexy” scene with this, one of the few off-key moments in the otherwise great (and Certified Fresh) Munich. He was trying to be profound – we think. And yet the decision to intercut footage from the 1972 Munich Olympics hostage crisis and massacre with shots of Avner (Eric Bana) and his wife Daphna (Ayelet Zurer) very sweatily going at it misfires hugely.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 (2012) 49%

6. Bella and Edward at Home

With Fifty Shades on the list, it’s only fair to include a scene from the franchise that inspired it. We’re going with Bella and Edward’s tastefully lit romp in their new home – mostly for packing in so many bad-movie-sex clichés into so few minutes. There are the beautiful shots of closing eyes and arching necks, a close-up of a (beautiful) bed sheet being tightly gripped, that (beautiful) Feist song giving everything a sense of drama, and it all ends with them chilling in front of a roaring fire. (Minus points for the absence of a bearskin rug; bonus points for featuring literal sparks flying off of Bella’s face at one point.)  

Moonraker (1979) 60%

5. Bond Goes Zero Gravity

We’re not going to lie: We chuckled during this one, a lot; there is enough very dated double entendre in this single scene to fuel another three Austin Powers sequels. (“I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir!”). There is something spectacularly unsexy about fornication without gravitation, though, no matter how hard the straining violins and soft lighting try to tell us otherwise. If the physical impossibility of it all wasn’t bad enough, a room full of folks are watching on back at mission control.

Gigli (2003) 6%

4. “It’s Turkey Time”

It takes a lot to make a scene between official Very Hot People and onetime real-life couple Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez unsexy, so we’re giving writer-director Martin Brest extra points for this one. The immortal line, “It’s turkey time, gobble, gobble,” uttered by J-Lo in an effort to seduce Affleck, is enough to have us canceling Thanksgiving forever. Or at least for 2003.

The Counselor (2013) 33%

3. The Yellow Ferrari

In The Counselor, Javier Bardem’s Reiner tells The Counselor (Michael Fassbender) that he’d “Like to forget about Malkina f—-ing my car.” So would we. Five years on, we’re still not sure what possessed writer Cormac McCarthy and Ridley Scott to come up with the idea of Cameron Diaz straddling a Ferrari’s windshield until climax, let alone what possessed them to write the scene, shoot it, set it to music, and not edit it out of the final movie. Perhaps this movie needs that rarest of things: a Ridley Scott directors’ cut that would make it shorter.

Showgirls (1995) 21%

2. Nomi, Zach, and the Pool 

Apologies to our employer, because the sites you have to hit up to watch this scene in full are… well, we will be scrubbing our browser history for eons. And don’t bother seeking it out yourself. Far from being particularly sensual or erotic, this scene featuring Kyle MacLachlan’s Zach and Elizabeth Berkley’s Nomi making wild, splashy love in a pool is mostly just confounding. How is she doing that? And why are they doing this? And why am I laughing at everything they’re doing together?

Watchmen (2009) 65%

1. “Hallelujah”

As anyone who has ever watched a televised talent competition will tell you, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah” has been subjected to its fair share of abuse over the years. Nowhere, though, has the song been more thoroughly beaten up than in this scene from Zack Snyder’s Watchmen, an otherwise fascinating superhero flick that has its hardcore defenders. What was a powerful moment in the graphic novel is laughable here, as Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) and Silk Spectre (Malin Akerman) trade grunty-faces in their steampunk binoculars-looking sex pod all while the booming voice of Cohen… booms. Just when you think it can’t get any worse, the pod shoots flames at the moment of climax.

Disagree, passionately? Let us know in the comments, and share your favorite so-bad-they’re-good movie sex scenes. 

Tag Cloud

2019 ABC Family sequel Box Office Syfy Comedy anthology sitcom Nat Geo Spectrum Originals Heroines YA universal monsters American Society of Cinematographers game of thrones Crunchyroll Walt Disney Pictures franchise Emmy Nominations HBO Max mutant harry potter period drama HBO Go TV Land Thanksgiving Winter TV classics BBC television Captain marvel Anna Paquin Shondaland 2017 TCA Winter 2020 Reality Marvel Television Elton John Fox Searchlight aliens FOX Set visit Amazon Prime medical drama space movies dc nbcuniversal CW Seed zero dark thirty Epix crime thriller psycho christmas movies TCA Awards Infographic comiccon singing competition Disney+ Disney Plus Musical Lifetime Christmas movies TLC Pixar El Rey NBC SundanceTV true crime FX joker transformers Sundance Warner Bros. archives crime Amazon Studios TCA Pop festivals FX on Hulu RT History blockbuster laika Video Games WGN nature The Witch historical drama Music video on demand theme song romantic comedy Summer Television Critics Association revenge Quiz Polls and Games BET Awards Academy Awards game show The CW Apple TV Plus police drama IFC Trivia politics renewed TV shows Starz Holiday Rocketman TIFF italian remakes Rocky latino zombie Character Guide ESPN Red Carpet reboot Lionsgate mission: impossible 4/20 Tubi BBC One 20th Century Fox Drama witnail Disney streaming service diversity dramedy hollywood Netflix Christmas movies Superheroe Freeform New York Comic Con cancelled television Cannes romance WarnerMedia Amazon Prime Video Masterpiece psychological thriller ghosts golden globes war Amazon AMC south america hispanic Arrowverse Comics on TV crime drama canceled Adult Swim Mudbound tv talk Podcast X-Men independent First Reviews Tarantino miniseries slashers technology Pride Month comedies asian-american Kids & Family festival child's play Sundance TV Television Academy Black History Month chucky casting Dark Horse Comics based on movie YouTube Red Ovation docudrama Marvel LGBT Valentine's Day Turner Extras Spike Peacock SDCC dragons versus satire MCU BET DC streaming service Country scary movies Grammys Funimation children's TV crossover Pirates screenings foreign teaser disaster TBS Disney Plus Superheroes Fall TV rotten movies we love Tomatazos Crackle Comic Book cars The Arrangement spy thriller TV renewals hist PaleyFest Food Network obituary worst Certified Fresh stop motion USA Network Hulu cooking Toys CBS All Access toy story talk show natural history indie Binge Guide CMT Ghostbusters canceled TV shows reviews 72 Emmy Awards Stephen King Cartoon Network Hear Us Out San Diego Comic-Con DC Universe Musicals Bravo Universal Pop TV award winner critics Acorn TV blaxploitation toronto venice series Turner Classic Movies stand-up comedy TV Avengers Rock A24 Brie Larson Christmas Apple nfl Song of Ice and Fire Awards YouTube Premium Paramount green book parents cops SXSW Esquire sports Lucasfilm rotten all-time streaming Star Wars DC Comics The Academy biography quibi Sneak Peek vampires Pet Sematary Super Bowl APB Nickelodeon Lifetime Endgame directors name the review best Cosplay thriller Paramount Network spider-man OWN E! concert Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Action TruTV twilight Logo Britbox TNT Rom-Com USA LGBTQ DirecTV E3 TCM Ellie Kemper halloween tv 24 frames spanish Animation cats Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Hallmark Christmas movies YouTube spanish language Election spain doctor who dceu Teen VOD binge Film IFC Films MTV serial killer President batman CNN mockumentary cancelled TV series Sony Pictures Opinion supernatural boxoffice Shudder jamie lee curtis Marvel Studios news Martial Arts Trophy Talk GIFs documentary facebook Interview die hard free movies First Look adventure science fiction cinemax worst movies documentaries football Classic Film cancelled TV shows Fantasy Mary Tyler Moore Discovery Channel dogs 007 Hallmark Awards Tour 2020 werewolf Holidays comic Writers Guild of America what to watch BBC America RT21 Reality Competition animated ITV breaking bad 21st Century Fox superhero cults GoT BAFTA Watching Series unscripted Vudu Disney Travel Channel 2016 Spring TV PBS Winners strong female leads indiana jones Schedule comics composers scorecard french stoner dark Emmys Oscars VICE CBS criterion NYCC Calendar Mindy Kaling zombies Apple TV+ screen actors guild MSNBC 2015 History DGA Fox News political drama Star Trek Best and Worst Family discovery book anime cartoon Tumblr 71st Emmy Awards HBO Columbia Pictures Black Mirror Photos Showtime Sci-Fi Sundance Now social media The Walking Dead Western kids Countdown FXX TCA 2017 japanese See It Skip It elevated horror Mary poppins National Geographic ABC sag awards Film Festival richard e. Grant OneApp Year in Review Disney Channel video films GLAAD Creative Arts Emmys cancelled Baby Yoda finale justice league movie ratings emmy awards 45 Chernobyl Mystery Women's History Month The Purge 2018 travel VH1 Marathons Comedy Central halloween A&E Trailer Nominations robots adaptation spinoff Mary Poppins Returns PlayStation Biopics Horror Premiere Dates fast and furious sequels a nightmare on elm street Netflix