Geostorm: the disaster movie with the disaster to end all disasters, disaster for days, isn’t being screened in advance. Not a good sign! C’mon studios, can’t you see how nice critics are being to The Snowman? Well, if Geostorm somehow receives a particularly Rotten score, it won’t be without company as we’ll see in this week’s gallery of 24 disastrous disaster movies that got less than 50% on the Tomatometer!
Krakatoa, East of Java (1969, 0%)
Just how fast does this one go downhill? For starters, Krakatoa is located west of Java….
When Time Ran Out (1980, 0%)
It’s 1980, and that’s when time ran out…for this genre! The Heaven’s Gate of disaster flicks, if you will.
Left Behind (2014, 2%)
Yea verily, like unto a plague of locusts, Left Behind hath begat a further scourge of devastation upon Nicolas Cage’s once-proud filmography.
Meteor (1979, 5%) Meteor is a flimsy flick with too much boring dialogue and not enough destruction. At least the pinball game is decent.
Firestorm (1998, 12%) Firestorm failed to ignite ex-pro footballer Howie Long’s career…or anything else for that matter.
The Concorde…Airport ’79 (1979, 14%)
The original Airport put the disaster genre into flight, gathering a dozen top-billing actors and even a Best Picture nomination. Three movies and a decade later, there’s barely enough stars to fill the poster, and even the ellipsis in the title suggests, ‘What are we all still doing here?’
Sharknado: The 4th Awakens (2016, 17%)
Loses the ridiculous charm of its predecessors, leaving only clumsy social commentary and monotonous schtick that’s lost its bite.
Into the Storm (2014, 21%)
Clumsily scripted and populated with forgettable characters, Into the Storm has little to offer beyond its admittedly thrilling special effects.
Daylight (1996, 26%)
The opening’s got a great fiery explosion and Stallone puts in another earnest, sympathetic performance, but all else in Daylight feels designed to annoy the audience into submission.
Dante’s Peak (1997, 26%)
The movie works when things are on fire, but everything else – from dialogue to characters – is scathingly bad.
Pompeii (2014, 27%)
This big-budget sword-and-sandal adventure lacks the energy and storytelling heft to amount to more than a guilty pleasure.
Hard Rain (1997, 29%) Hard Rain is an implausible heist movie soaked in disaster movie trappings.
Poseidon (2006, 33%)
This remake of The Poseidon Adventure delivers dazzling special effects. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that any of the budget was left over to devote to the script.
Earthquake (1974, 35%)
The destruction of Los Angeles is always a welcome sight, but Earthquake offers little besides big actors slumming through crumbling sets.
Sharknado 5: Global Swarming (2017, 45%)
A mild bounce back from the lows of the fourth Sharknado.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015, 26%) Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! bites off more than it can chew, leaving viewers with an overlong mess that isn’t even bad enough to be good.
Hurricane (1979, 38%)
It’s Mia Farrow’s Swept Away! She stars in this sandy romance (with music by Nino Rota and cinematography by Sven Nykvist) featuring a 25-minute appearnce by the titular disaster.
2012 (2009, 39%)
Roland Emmerich’s 2012 provides plenty of visual thrills, but lacks a strong enough script to support its massive scope and inflated length.
Armageddon (1998, 39%)
Lovely to look at but about as intelligent as the asteroid that serves as the movie’s antagonist, Armageddon slickly sums up the cinematic legacies of producer Jerry Bruckheimer and director Michael Bay.
The Core (2003, 41%)
A B-movie with its tongue planted firmly in cheek, The Core is so unintentionally (intentionally?) bad that it’s a hoot.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004, 45%)
A ludicrous popcorn flick filled with clunky dialogue, but spectacular visuals save it from being a total disaster.
The 33 (2015, 45%)
Offers an appropriately inspirational account of real-life heroism, but its stirring story and solid performances are undermined by a flawed focus and an overreliance on formula.
Volcano (1997, 46%) Volcano‘s prodigious pyrotechnics and Tommy Lee Jones’ crotchety sneers at lava aren’t quite enough to save this routine disaster film.
San Andreas (2015, 49%) San Andreas has a great cast and outstanding special effects, but amidst all the senses-shattering destruction, the movie’s characters and plot prove less than structurally sound.
