The long-awaited return of Stranger Things and Mike Myers’ comedy series The Pentaverate lead Netflix’s May 2022 offerings.
Stranger Things 4: Volume 1 finds Eleven (Millie Bobby Brown) settling into her new California home with Joyce (Winona Ryder), Will (Noah Schnapp), and Jonathan Byers (Charlie Heaton). It’s not all sunshine and roses though – her powers are gone, she’s having trouble fitting in at school, and no matter how hard she tries to put all that Hawkins trouble behind her, there’s still unfinished business in the Upside Down. Mike (Finn Wolfhard), Dustin (Gaten Matarazzo), Lucas (Caleb McLaughlin), Max (Sadie Sink), and the rest of the gang will band together once more to battle a new supernatural threat, as Hopper’s (David Harbour) life hangs in the balance. With horror icon Robert Englund joining the cast as the murderous Victor Creel, it’s looking like the newest outing of Netflix’s genre hit will also be its scariest.
Read More: Everything We Know About Stranger Things Season 4
It’s been a while since Mike Myers flexed his multi-character comedy chops, and with his new series The Pentaverate, the man who brought Austin Powers to life returns with a new collection of quirky roles for audiences to laugh at. What exactly is “The Pentaverate?” That’s the question at the center of the whole show, as one journalist investigates the secret society of five men who have allegedly controlled the world since the year 1347. Jennifer Saunders, Jeremy Irons, Keegan-Michael Key, and Ken Jeong also star.
The Lincoln Lawyer is now a television series. Based on the novels by Michael Connelly, the new adaptation was created by David E. Kelley and stars Neve Campbell as Deputy District Attorney Maggie McPherson and Manuel Garcia-Ruffo as Mickey Haller, the famed defense attorney who, instead of working out of an office, runs his business in his Lincoln Town Car. After nearly two years away, Phil Rosenthal is back to do more exploring, and much more eating, in season 5 of his hit food travel series Somebody Feed Phil. And celebrated anthology series Love, Death + Robots returns with more genre-bending animated shorts from some of the best storytellers in the medium.
Find out what else is joining them on Netflix and what’s leaving the service below.
The Pentaverate: Season 1 (2022)
27%
Description: A Canadian journalist tries to uncover the truth about a society of five men who have controlled the world since 1347.
Premiere Date: May 5
The Lincoln Lawyer: Season 1 (2022)
80%
Description: Idealistic lawyer Mickey Haller runs practice out of the back of his Lincoln Town Car, taking on cases big and small across Los Angeles.
Premiere Date: May 13
Senior Year (2022)
23%
Description: A high-school cheerleader falls into a coma before her prom. Twenty years later, she awakens and wants to return to high school to reclaim her status and become prom queen. Stars Rebel Wilson.
Premiere Date: May 13
Love, Death + Robots: Volume 3 (2022)
100%
Description: Emmy-winning animated anthology Love, Death + Robots returns with a third volume executive produced by Tim Miller (Deadpool, Terminator: Dark Fate) and David Fincher (Mindhunter, Mank). Terror, imagination and beauty combine in new episodes which stretch from uncovering an ancient evil to a comedic apocalypse, telling startling short stories of fantasy, horror and science-fiction with trademark wit and visual invention.
Premiere Date: May 20
Stranger Things: Season 4 (2022)
90%
Description: It’s been six months since the Battle of Starcourt, which brought terror and destruction to Hawkins. Struggling with the aftermath, our group of friends are separated for the first time – and navigating the complexities of high school hasn’t made things any easier. In this most vulnerable time, a new and horrifying supernatural threat surfaces, presenting a gruesome mystery that, if solved, might finally put an end to the horrors of the Upside Down.
Premiere Date: May 27
“Our Roots, Our Stories” – Launches May 2
Join us as we honor Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders with this collection of stories that weaves their voices and experiences into a celebration. View the collection beginning May 2 at netflix.com/celebrateAAPI.
Like a Rolling Stone: The Life & Times of Ben Fong-Torres
Welcome to Wedding Hell*
80%
42
(2013)
15%
3 Ninjas Kick Back
(1994)
- -
40-Love
(2020)
80%
A River Runs Through It
(1992)
- -
Are You the One?: Season 6
(2020)
85%
Tim Burton's Corpse Bride
(2005)
80%
Crazy, Stupid, Love.
(2011)
42%
Den of Thieves
(2018)
89%
Dirty Harry
(1971)
- -
Empire State
(2013)
75%
Forrest Gump
(1994)
75%
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
(2004)
86%
Hello, My Name Is Doris
(2015)
49%
Jackass: The Movie
(2002)
- -
Jackass 2.5
(2007)
60%
Jackass 3.5
(2011)
26%
John Q
(2002)
84%
Menace II Society
(1993)
86%
Once Upon a Time in America
(1984)
- -
Rambo
(2012)
26%
Rambo: Last Blood
(2019)
82%
Road to Perdition
(2002)
57%
Seven Years in Tibet
(1997)
45%
Soul Surfer
(2011)
88%
Summerland
(2020)
76%
The Gentlemen
(2019)
35%
The Lake House
(2006)
31%
U.S. Marshals
(1998)
76%
War of the Worlds
(2005)
88%
When Harry Met Sally...
(1989)
69%
You've Got Mail
(1998)
- -
Octonauts: Above & Beyond
Season 2*
Hold Your Breath: The Ice Dive*
- -
40 Years Young
(2022)
*
- -
The Circle: Season 4
(2022)
* (New episodes weekly)
- -
The Marginal: Season 5
*
- -
Summertime: Season 3
(2022)
*
27%
The Pentaverate: Season 1
(2022)
*
Blood Sisters*
Clark*
Thomas & Friends: All Engines Go: Season 1
Wild Babies*
58%
Along for the Ride
(2022)
*
40%
The Takedown
(2022)
*
Christina P: Mom Genes*
Ghost in the Shell: SAC_2045 Sustainable War*
86%
Outlander: Season 5
(2020)
- -
Workin' Moms: Season 6
(2022)
*
80%
Brotherhood: Season 2
(2007)
*
- -
The Circle: Season 4
(2022)
* (New episodes weekly)
83%
Operation Mincemeat
(2021)
*
42%
Our Father
(2021)
*
Maverix*
Savage Beauty*
80%
The Lincoln Lawyer: Season 1
(2022)
- -
Bling Empire
Season 2*
23%
Senior Year
(2022)
*
29%
Borrego
(2022)
PJ Masks: Season 4
Blippi’s Adventures
- -
Servant of the People
Seasons 1-3*
- -
The Future Diary: Season 2
(2022)
*
- -
The Circle: Season 4
(2022)
* (New episodes weekly)
- -
Who Killed Sara?
Season 3*
A Perfect Pairing*
The Boss Baby: Back in the Crib*
The G Word with Adam Conover*
- -
Insiders
Season 2* (New episodes weekly)
81%
Ben Is Back
(2018)
100%
Love, Death + Robots: Volume 3
(2022)
*
- -
One Piece
New Episodes
21%
Ghost in the Shell: SAC_2045
Season 2*
- -
The Circle: Season 4
(2022)
* (New episodes weekly)
- -
Somebody Feed Phil: The Fifth Course
(2022)
*
- -
Insiders
Season 2* (New episodes weekly)
90%
Stranger Things: Season 4
(2022)
*
Mighty Little Bheem: I Love Taj Mahal*
- -
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Season 1
(2018)
- -
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Season 1
(2012)
92%
Colony
Seasons 1-3
- -
Hoarders: Season 11
(2020)
- -
StartUp
Seasons 1-3
79%
The Clovehitch Killer
(2018)
95%
Eye in the Sky
(2015)
69%
Shot Caller
(2017)
33%
Battleship
(2012)
Bill Burr: You People Are All the Same
52%
Chloe
(2009)
67%
Closer
(2004)
63%
Coach Carter
(2005)
28%
Dennis the Menace
(1993)
92%
Downton Abbey
Seasons 1-6
44%
Final Destination 3
(2006)
64%
Final Destination 5
(2011)
71%
Free Willy
(1993)
92%
Hairspray
(2007)
76%
Happy Endings
Seasons 1-3
76%
Happy Feet
(2006)
47%
I Know What You Did Last Summer
(1997)
10%
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer
(1998)
7%
New Year's Eve
(2011)
- -
Sniper: Legacy
(2014)
19%
Stardust
(2020)
22%
Sucker Punch
(2011)
46%
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(1990)
36%
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
(1991)
19%
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III
(1993)
20%
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
(2014)
66%
The Blind Side
(2009)
65%
The Devil's Advocate
(1997)
90%
The Disaster Artist
(2017)
28%
The Final Destination
(2009)
59%
Top Gun
(1986)
65%
Wild Things
(1998)
64%
Zoolander
(2001)
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Thumbnail images: Netflix
Horror’s consistent focus on stories that double as morality tales often leads to protagonists who are dutiful and serious, leaving a big blank spot in charisma and personality. But that’s why god invented the sidekick. They are the color to the protagonist’s black-and-white, the fiery, funny fools who often drive the story’s complications, as the protagonist runs around putting out all the fires.
Because a fair number of horror films feature female leads, many of these sidekicks are also female characters. Sometimes they bolster the protagonist’s confidence, sometimes tear it down. Occasionally they take on traits of a villain, only to be revealed as the true center of the film. Often they perish, and their deaths trigger an extra significance: If this person with quick wit and endearing flaws can die, then things are about to get serious.
One of the greatest – to our mind – is Barb, played by Margot Kidder, in the original Black Christmas. As we prepare for the release of Blumhouse’s Black Christmas remake this week, here are 15 of the most colorful sidekicks of horror cinema.
(Photo by Courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Margot Kidder
Very few horror films possess the kind of joy Bob Clark’s Black Christmas emits when resident alcoholic and prankster Barb (Margot Kidder) patiently explains to a befuddled cop that her phone number begins with the word “fellatio.” Nor do they revel in a character’s tangential knowledge as much as when Barb interjects with some serious turtle-sex facts while a father is grieving his missing daughter. Barb may not be the final girl, but she fills our stockings with delightful coal.
(Photo by © Dimension Films)
Played by Rose McGowan
Wes Craven consistently delivered some of the best female sidekicks, but Tatum (Rose McGowan) earns a spot for her 1990s “girl power” feminism that had her trying to convince her boyfriend, Casey (Matthew Lillard), that the new Woodsboro slasher could be a woman, because girls can do anything boys can do. Her kid-sister vibe – she’s literally Dewy’s kid sister – makes her a sparkling verbal sparrer, and she’s talking s–t right up until the very garage-door end.
(Photo by © Compass International Pictures/ Courtesy: Everett Collection)
Played by Nancy Kyes and P.J. Soles
Before slashers were a thing, John Carpenter and producer Debra Hill’s prototype for the genre showcased the possibilities for fully fleshed-out sidekicks with sporty Lynda and sarcastic Annie, the bad and badder devils on Laurie Strode’s shoulders. They poke fun at the latter’s virginal purity with the kind of ribbing realistic for angsty teen girls. Both act as comic relief, proving there can and should be more than one funnywoman in the group.
(Photo by Courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Teri McMinn
Tobe Hooper specifically asked for actress Teri McMinn’s costume to be backless and short to show off most of her “meat,” giving her a visually vulnerable feel in this slaughterhouse classic. Pam is a small role, but McMinn fills her out with a genuine openness and curiosity, a young woman of the perilous 1970s whose kind and trusting nature leads her to disaster.
(Photo by © Lionsgate)
Played by Natalie Mendoza
Juno is both the sidekick and the foil of Neil Marshall’s spelunking disaster. It’s her fiery, fierce, and selfish nature that draws her estranged best friend Sarah into the unexplored caves, but also the spirit that gives Sarah the will to leave her as bait and escape. Natalie Mendoza’s empathetic performance speaks to what one is capable of when scared, but not so much that her fate doesn’t seem a little fitting.
(Photo by © 20th Century Fox / courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Veronica Cartwright
Joan Lambert (Veronica Cartwright) was the navigator of the USCSS Nostromo, and she spent just as much time trying to guide the crew of the ship in the right direction. She was the first to say exploring that distress call was a bad idea and the first to say they should “get the hell out of here.” Her hysterics are a natural and appropriate reaction to an alien attack and an extension of the audience’s reactions, so Lambert becomes the lens through which we view the film.
(Photo by MCA/Universal Pictures/ Courtesy: Everett Collection.)
Played by Jada Pinkett-Smith
Jeryline (Jada Pinkett-Smith) may be a criminal on work release at a rural hotel, but she’s got more smarts and morals than many. Demon Knight is the rare horror movie willing to off its protagonist, and Jeryline steps up from sidekick to lead, showing off her cunning by using the demon’s Don Juan charm against him and ultimately saving the night.
(Photo by © New Line Cinema)
Played by Amanda Wyss
If you’d only watched the first act of Wes Craven’s A Nightmare on Elm Street, you’d think Tina Gray (Amanda Wyss) were the protagonist of the film, but she’s in actuality the sidekick and catalyst for the film series. She exudes both vulnerability and strength, which is why her iconic demise and subsequent use as a puppet for Freddy Krueger’s mind tricks is a huge punch to the gut.
(Photo by © Columbia/courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Sarah Michelle Gellar
The key to Helen Shivers’ success as a sidekick is her unabashed and shameless vanity. Sarah Michelle Gellar’s portrayal of the character paints her as the beauty queen with depth, the most likely to succeed. She’s the woman with the plan to track down the killer and the guts to charge into the crowd of the Croaker Queen Pageant talent competition to save her friend. Unfortunately, luck just wasn’t on her side.
(Photo by © Warner Bros.)
Played by Paris Hilton
When it was announced that Paris Hilton would play a supporting character in Jaume Collet-Serra’s remake of House of Wax, there was a resounding cheer that audiences would get to see this real-life heel bloodily sacrificed for the movie gods. The thing is: Hilton killed it. She infused Paige with the same detached and fascinating poppy materialism she possessed in her reality show, becoming the best love-to-hate-’em sidekick.
Played by Jenette Goldstein
The descriptor “badass” is tossed around for really any female character who demonstrates anything remotely “strong.” But Jenette Goldstein’s Vasquez is potentially the only character worthy of being called a badass. Her barbed quips and buff biceps are perhaps the most memorable aspect of an extremely memorable film. She exudes fearlessness and feels nearly immortal… until she doesn’t.
(Photo by © RADiUS-TWC/courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Olivia Luccardi
Olivia Luccardi’s Yara is more than a sidekick, she’s the one-woman Greek chorus of It Follows. At first, she seems like a typical tech-obsessed, disinterested teen, constantly reading things on her fictional clamshell e-reader, occasionally glancing up to sneer at her friends’ poor choices. But nearly everything Yara reads aloud to her friends contains a philosophical key to their situation, advice, and omens.
(Photo by © Focus World /courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Ella Rumpf
The genius of Ella Rumpf’s Alexia in Julia Ducournau’s Raw is that Alexia at first seems the antagonist of the film, the source of all of her sister’s problematic cravings, but it turns out she’s really the sidekick. She’s a cutting bully who can turn on a dime to become the doting and generous big sister. Even as she emotionally tortures Justine, Alexia clearly wants to snap her sister out of her goody two-shoes demeanor and have some fun.
(Photo by © Fox Searchlight Pictures)
Played by Mila Kunis
Just like Alexia in Raw, Lily’s the false antagonist, the projection of all the protagonist’s fears and anxieties. In reality, she’s a smart, grounded ballet dancer, probably the sanest of the bunch, whose only hope is to nab the lead role and maybe coax Nina out of her cocooned and infantile life. In a story of paranoia and delusion, Lily’s the realest of the real.
(Photo by ©Magnolia Pictures/courtesy Everett Collection)
Played by Bae Doo-na
There are few things more admirable about director Bong Joon-ho than his ability to create characters who are both wildly inept and also extremely vain and self-satisfied with their limited abilities. Nam-joo (Bae Doo-na) as the protagonist’s gold medalist archer sister who rubs her mediocre success in his face is one of Bong’s greatest creations. It’s impossible for her to swallow her pride, even as she’s face-to-face with a monstrous adversary.
Black Christmas is in theaters December 13, 2019
The movie business is difficult; that shouldn’t surprise anyone. A lot of thought and care and preparation — not to mention money — goes into the filmmaking process, and sometimes the end result just doesn’t quite turn out the way its creators intended. But even when a film production goes sideways, for whatever reason, there’s often a glimmer of something incredible hidden beneath the botched line deliveries, mediocre special effects, and general ineptitude on display. Sometimes, there are great scenes to be found in truly Rotten movies.
With that in mind, we’ve compiled an initial list of 30 examples in which an inspiring exchange, an ingeniously staged action sequence, or a hilarious performance helped shine a light on otherwise mediocre productions. We’re talking about genuinely outstanding moments — not ones we find ironically amusing — that might feel right at home in more expertly crafted films. There are, of course, countless more we could have included, but we’ll save those for the next installment of this series. And, if there are any that you think belong here, let us know in the comments!
(Photo by 20th Century Fox)
DARTH MAUL vs. QUI-GON AND OBI-WAN
The long-awaited Star Wars prequel introduced us to such inexplicable horrors as Jar Jar Binks, midi-chlorians, and mind-numbing Galactic Senate debates, but the film did offer an awesome glimpse of what it could have been. The final battle pitting Darth Maul against Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi is one of the most dynamic lightsaber duels we’ve ever gotten, thanks in part to the martial arts talent of Ray Park as the Zabrak Sith Lord. Not only is the fight kinetic and inventive, who can forget the iconic moment when that second crimson beam emerges from Darth Maul’s double-bladed lightsaber?
WINGSUIT FLIGHT
The Transformers franchise is largely a jumbled mess of CGI, explosions, stilted dialogue, and perfunctory storytelling. That said, Michael Bay knows his way around visual spectacle, and while Dark of the Moon features its fair share of incomprehensible robot mayhem, there is one practical stunt (read: they did it for real) in the film that is genuinely thrilling. Bay enlisted the aid of experienced wingsuit flyers to jump off the Sears Tower and soar between Chicago’s skyscrapers as chaos unfolds all around them. It’s impressive, it’s majestic, and it’s just cool as hell. If only the rest of the movie could match this three-minute sequence…
OPENING HIGHWAY PILEUP
None of the Final Destination movies is particularly well-reviewed (Final Destination 5 is the only Fresh one at 62%), and for the most part, they all feel like a series of morbid Rube Goldberg-esque vignettes strung together by the thinnest of plots. A few of those gory scenarios, however, are surprisingly inventive, and none of them tops the opening to Final Destination 2, which sets its wheels in motion with an immaculately staged, over-the-top highway pileup that is equal parts ridiculous, harrowing, and literally explosive. Nothing else in the film even comes close.
(Photo by Distant Horizon)
DONNIE YEN vs. COLLIN CHOU
You may know Donnie Yen from Ip Man or Rogue One, and you may know Collin Chou as Seraph from the Matrix sequels, but chances are you haven’t seen this Hong Kong action thriller by Wilson Yip (who also directed the Ip Man movies). The story is a predictably rote potboiler about a loose-cannon cop who takes on a crime syndicate, but the climactic battle between Yen’s Detective Ma and Chou’s gangster Tony is savage and visceral, with bone-crushing stunt work and Yen adding MMA techniques to his more traditional martial arts style.
PARKING GARAGE SINGLE TAKE
Since directing and co-writing the first Saw, James Wan has introduced the world to the Conjuring universe, brought us the best-reviewed Fast and Furious movie, and earned the right to bring DC’s Aquaman to the big screen. Before all of that, though, he did direct this fairly absurd action thriller about a grieving father (Kevin Bacon) out for revenge against the gang who murdered his son. It’s a violent film with a ridiculous plot, but it does feature one sequence that demonstrates Wan’s potential for greater things. A two minute-long single take follows Bacon’s character as he attempts to lose his pursuers in a multi-level parking garage, with seamless camerawork that weaves up and down the ramps and alongside the outside of the garage to capture perfectly timed appearances by different characters. It’s impressive, and it far outshines everything else in the movie.
ABNER DOUBLEDAY INVENTS BASEBALL
Adam Sandler began his stint on Netflix with a bang, garnering a rare 0% with this joyless — and casually racist — spoof of The Magnificent Seven. There is one gloriously effective moment of inspired comedy, though. In a scene that riffs on the invention of baseball, John Turturro cameos as Abner Doubleday, who invites the titular sextet and a dozen others to play a new game with him, only to make up all of the sport’s rules and terminology on the spot just to ensure he wins. It may be the only joke in the movie that lands, but it lands superbly.
(Photo by New Line Cinema)
AUSTIN GOES TO HOLLYWOOD
By the time the third installment of Mike Myers’ Austin Powers series hit theaters, the world had just about had its fill of “Yeah, baby!”s and shagadelic double entendres, but the cameo-filled opening scene of Goldmember is pure magic. The film begins with an action-packed Hollywood adaptation of Austin Powers’ life story, starring Tom Cruise as the titular spy, Gwyneth Paltrow as Bond girl stand-in Dixie Normous, Kevin Spacey as Dr. Evil, and Danny DeVito as Mini Me. To top it all off, as the scene ends, the cameras pull back to reveal the man at the helm is none other than Steven Spielberg. Genius.
THE FIGHT FOR THE KEY
The first Pirates of the Caribbean film was a pleasant surprise, able to silence most of those who thought it silly to build a movie around an amusement park attraction. Every film since then has been a gradual step down, and it all began with the first sequel, Dead Man’s Chest, an overstuffed bombardment of spectacle with little but Johnny Depp’s performance to hold it all together. That said, the extended swordfight for the key to the titular chest is the high point of the film, making use of some fine stuntwork and clever setpieces to deliver a top-notch action scene.
“I WAS UP FOR PRINCESS LEIA.”
The Scream formula was getting creaky by the time they shifted the setting to Hollywood for the most meta entry in the series (the cast of a Stab film, based on the real events of Scream, start getting plucked off by a real-life ghostface). The laughs were still there, thanks mostly to a killer performance by Parker Posey as Jennifer Jolie, the actress playing Courteney Cox’s Gale Weathers; the scares, not so much. But kudos to Wes Craven and whoever else convinced Carrie Fisher to make a cameo as the disgruntled, and loyal-to-a-point, studio archivist Bianca. When approached by Jolie and Weathers on the hunt for details on a former starlet, Bianca stops them before they even get a chance to ask if she’s you know who. “I was up for Princess Leia,” Fisher explains. “I was this close. So who gets it? The one who sleeps with George Lucas.”
(Photo by Universal Pictures courtesy Everett Collection)
“LA MER” ON THE BEACH
It’s hard to deny that Mr. Bean is something of a cultural icon, and it’s essentially defined the career of Rowan Atkinson. While the early-’90s series was hugely popular, the character’s big screen outings didn’t quite measure up. 2007’s Mr. Bean’s Holiday found the endearing man-child stumbling his way through France, and it largely consisted of watered-down slapstick and his trademark buffoonery. But it was also intended to be an unofficial send-off for the character, and the film’s final moments absolutely shine in that respect. As Bean makes his way across a picturesque beach, everyone around him joins him in an uplifting rendition of “La Mer,” and it’s equal parts triumphant and bittersweet. Love him or hate him, his goodbye was perfect.
CHER’S SOLO
If you thought Cher singing “Fernando” to a man named Fernando in Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again was as good, cheesy, and Cher-y as it gets at the movies, you clearly didn’t stick around for the second half of 2010’s Christina Aguilera vehicle Burlesque. The movie, which is Rotten at 36%, overflows with small pleasures for those in the just right mood (read: at least three Chardonnays into your evening), among them Kristen Bell as the vampy, villainous dancer Nikki. But when club owner Tess (Cher), fretful for the future of her business, belts out the Dianne Warren-penned survival anthem, “You Haven’t Seen the Last Of Me,” singing it to no one in particular, but somehow touching anyone who hears it, well… all hail the queen.
THE CHASE
Poor man’s Scream, rich man’s Urban Legend, I know What You Did Last Summer was one of the defining slashers of the mid-to-late ’90s – even if it was one of the most generic and uninspired, sitting at 35%. Most remember it for its laughably hysterical moments (“What are you waiting fooooor!?”) and that weird Anne Heche business, but even the most discerning of genre fans give credit to director Jim Gillespie for the sequence in which the guy with the hook chases Sarah Michelle Geller’s Helen Shivers all over town. It’s genuinely scary (beware the mannequin jump scare), giggle-inducing (did she really just drop the keys), and a tiny bit moving in the end. Why the hell did she turn around?
(Photo by 20th Century Fox)
LOGAN AND VICTOR THROUGH THE WARS
X-Men Origins: Wolverine was Fox’s first attempt at a solo story based on one of their beloved Marvel properties, and other than hiring Liev Schreiber to star opposite Hugh Jackman, the film has precious few things going for it. (Seriously, who thought letting will.i.am speak — and shutting Ryan Reynolds up — was a good idea?) At least we got a pretty great opening credits sequence out of it: after revealing the origin of Logan’s (Jackman) relationship to Victor Creed (Schreiber), the film depicts the half-brothers fighting alongside each other in the US Civil War, both World Wars, and the Vietnam War, illustrating Victor’s violent descent in the process. That’s the movie we all wished we could have seen.
GARY OLDMAN WAXES NOSTALGIC ABOUT DISFIGUREMENT
Neither director Jonathan Demme nor star Jodie Foster returned for this 10-years-later sequel, but most assumed it was in capable hands, with Ridley Scott taking the helm, David Mamet penning the script, and Julianne Moore taking Foster’s place as Clarice Starling. The end result wasn’t expected to live up to its predecessor, but few foresaw the smug, unsatisfying tale of gore we ultimately got. However, in an initially uncredited role, an unrecognizable Gary Oldman plays disfigured Lecter victim Mason Verger, whose macabre retelling of his encounter with Lecter is chilling, gruesome, and a testament to Oldman’s ability to captivate an audience, even with a slab of play-doh stuck to his face.
“I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY SKIN”
Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor made names for themselves with the Crank series, so it was evident from the start they weren’t exactly interested in high art. Right after Crank: High Voltage, in fact, they came back with this futuristic thriller starring Gerard Butler that plays more like a CGI-blasted update on The Running Man, but with far fewer genuine thrills. Rotten at 28%, the movie is kind of a slog to get through, but when Butler’s Kable infiltrates the mansion of evil game developer Castle (Michael C. Hall), something almost magical happens. Castle reveals himself to Kable via a choreographed dance routine set to Sinatra’s “I’ve Got You under My Skin,” complete with a troupe of mind-controlled brawlers. As Kable fends off his attackers and Castle continues lip-syncing in the background, you can’t help but wonder, “Why couldn’t the rest of the movie have been this interesting?”
(Photo by Columbia Pictures)
TERRY CREWS LOVES VANESSA CARLTON
Despite the cult popularity of In Living Color during the early 1990s, the various members of the Wayans family have struggled to achieve the same kind of success on the big screen. Much of their output has been defined by spoof movies and sub-subpar comedies like White Chicks, built from interesting enough ideas for a sketch or two, but a bit too flimsy for an entire movie. In this case, though, the presence of Terry Crews does help liven things up, and he is at his absolute best when he gleefully lights up as Vanessa Carlton’s “A Thousand Miles” comes on the radio and he begins to lip-sync with it. It’s a small chunk of comedy gold in the middle of a stale, moldy, powdered-sugar donut.
THE “FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER” SEQUENCE
Back when he was still going by “The Rock,” Dwayne Johnson paid his dues in stinkers like 2005’s Doom, which did little to inspire confidence in video game adaptations on the big screen. At a measly 19% on the Tomatometer, Doom is an incoherent mess of a sci-fi action flick and an unfortunate stain on the resumes of all involved. But there is one instance of blatant fan service that, well, actually kind of works. The camera takes on the first-person viewpoint of Karl Urban’s character, Reaper, for several minutes as he tears through the research facility, blasting mutated baddies along the way. It’s a carefully planned and choreographed sequence that’s not only true to the game, but incredibly ballsy to attempt, and they managed to pull it off with pizazz.
THE 15-MINUTE FINAL BATTLE
After he brought a fresh new take on martial arts films with 2003’s Ong Bak, Tony Jaa co-directed and starred in its “sequel,” Ong Bak 2, which was neither set in the same time period as the first nor really related to it in any way outside of its title. Ong Bak 2 left much of its predecessor’s playfulness by the wayside in exchange for an overly serious and familiar tale of revenge that exposed Jaa’s shortcomings behind the camera. With that in mind, it’s still worth fast-forwarding to the final battle of the film, a glorious display of Jaa’s martial arts prowess that sees him utilizing multiple fighting styles and weapons techniques to take down an entire village of assassins over 15 brutal minutes of non-stop action. It’s visceral and awe-inspiring, and it highlights not only Jaa’s immense skill but also the dedication of his stunt team, who no doubt took a massive beating during the shoot.
(Photo by Lou Faulon/STX Entertainment)
OPENING SCENE
This is not Luc Besson’s first space rodeo, but working with a $200 million budget, he evidently felt compelled to throw every wacky idea he ever had at the screen. The end result is a visually exquisite but narratively slipshod adventure, but it features another standout opening scene that hints at the film’s true potential. Set to the music of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” it chronicles the history of technological advancement that eventually leads to the film’s intergalactic setting, and it reflects a refreshingly hopeful, wholesome future of peace and cooperation that’s both touching and clever. And then the rest of the movie happens.
ROD’S QUIET PLACE
Andy Samberg, Jorma Taccone, and Akiva Schaffer have amassed a huge following, thanks to their work as The Lonely Island, and fans of their brand of humor are often quick to come to the defense of this cult comedy (we get it; some of you love it). Unfortunately, critics didn’t quite feel the same way, calling Hot Rod a loosely threaded collection of hit-or-miss sketches that fails to live up to its stars’ potential. The biggest “hit” of the lot, though, is clearly the scene when Rod (Samberg) escapes to his “quiet place” in the woods to blow off some steam and ends up tumbling down a hill for nearly a full minute. It begins as a spoofy Footloose homage before it suddenly turns into one of the greatest — and probably the longest — pratfalls ever filmed, and it’s pretty glorious.
“THERE WAS A FIREFIGHT!”
Perhaps the only good thing about The Boondock Saints is the opportunity to see Willem Dafoe at full tilt (though, to be fair, when is that ever not a good thing?). Much of the film is dedicated to macho posturing and childish fantasy wish-fulfillment — not a surprise considering its notoriously toxic writer-director — but there is a brief moment that lingers long after the credits roll. As Dafoe’s FBI agent Smecker arrives on the scene of a shootout, he begins to visualize what took place, passionately conducting a chorus that only exists in his mind and proclaiming, “There was a firefight!” The whole scene falls somewhere between unhinged and insane, and Dafoe’s exclamation is the cherry on top.
(Photo by Warner Bros.)
A RHINO GIVES BIRTH
Before he really began to demonstrate his range in movies like The Truman Show during the 1990s, Jim Carrey had to wade his way through a number of films that almost solely relied on his gift for physical comedy. His outlandish antics weren’t for everyone, though, particularly when you’d seen them before, and so the Ace Ventura sequel, When Nature Calls, settled at a measly 33% on the Tomatometer. While the movie feels like a somewhat stitched-together series of vignettes, the scene when Ace becomes trapped in a mechanical rhino, strips naked, and escapes through a tiny hole in the rear is… Well, as Simon Pegg put it, “It is one of the single most genius pieces of comedic writing that will never be given its due because it’s part of a ridiculous, vaguely racist, silly comedy.”
THE EMINEM INTERVIEW
Eminem is no stranger to controversy, and his most recent album reignited a familiar one about his use of homophobic slurs in his lyrics. Say what you will about his word choice, but the man is essentially besties with Elton John, and he even skewered himself on the issue in what is certainly the best scene in the 2014 comedy The Interview. As James Franco’s talk show host Dave Skylark interviews Em on his show, the contentious rapper casually reveals that he’s gay, and that he’s surprised no one has figured it out yet, considering the “breadcrumb trail” he’s left behind in all his lyrics. It’s a rather surprisingly effective moment that only works because of all the controversy he’s attracted, and his deadpan, matter-of-fact delivery is pitch perfect, making him the funniest man in the room.
FINAL RACE
After the success of the Matrix trilogy, the Wachowskis had carte blanche to work on whatever they wanted, and they chose to take on this long-in-development feature adaptation of the classic animated series. Despite their impressive technical wizardry and the candy-colored dreamscape they brought to life, the film bombed both critically and commercially. Even if you don’t love the movie as a whole, it’s hard to deny the power of the climactic race, an unexpectedly heartfelt finale bursting with top-notch special effects that not only boasts kinetic thrills but also provides closure on a key plot point. The film has gone on to inspire a cult following, and this ending is a big part of it.
(Photo by 20th Century Fox)
THE WET BANDITS GET BRICKED
The law of diminishing returns is very real, but when it comes to movies, it’s difficult to argue with a moviegoing public that saw something it liked and simply wanted more of the same. Enter Home Alone 2, which essentially repurposes the story from its predecessor but changes its setting from Chicago to New York. The silly shenanigans here are so familiar that it all essentially feels like a lazy rehash of the same movie. That said, the scene where little Kevin (Macaulay Caulkin) displays Hawkeye-level brick-throwing accuracy just gets funnier with every painful crunch, if only because Daniel Stern’s googly-eyed desperation and concussed mumbling reaches vaudevillian heights.
QUINN AND CREEDY DO STAR WARS
Nowadays, a fantasy action film headlined by Matthew McConaughey and Christian Bale might be met with fierce anticipation, but that’s exactly what we got in 2002’s Reign of Fire, and it was far less than the sum of its parts. Despite an intriguing, if somewhat goofy, take on post-apocalyptic humanity and some fairly successfully realized CGI dragons, the film bombed with critics and audiences alike. But in one scene, Bale’s Quinn and Gerard Butler’s Creedy reenact the climactic battle from The Empire Strikes Back for a crowd of awestruck children, playing it as an oral tradition, a campfire tale told from generation to generation. It’s an inspired nod to the power of Star Wars and a wink to the audience that hits its mark much more effectively than much of the rest of the film.
THE MISSING PHONE
By the time the third Jurassic Park movie came along, it was already clear the franchise was starting to run out of ideas (gymnastics battle, anyone?), and putting dinos onscreen was deemed sufficient. At least JP3 had a pretty formidable new breed in the Spinosaurus, and one scene in particular hints at how much better the film would have been with a bit more ingenuity. After Paul Kirby’s (William H. Macy) satellite phone goes missing earlier in the movie, his newly reunited son Eric reveals it was the sound of that phone that alerted them to their location. Cue the ominous ringing of the phone… and the Spinosaurus that swallowed it.
(Photo by Universal Pictures)
MEET MR. HYDE
Last year’s reboot of Universal’s classic monster movie franchise performed so dreadfully that the studio’s plans for its own “Dark Universe” were almost immediately eighty-sixed. That was, in itself, a pretty incredible feat, considering they had the talents of Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe to work with, but at the very least, the latter provided arguably the one standout moment of the movie. Crowe brought a complex intensity to the dual role of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, sophisticated in one breath and savage the next, and it left many of us asking if we couldn’t at least see a bit more of him, regardless of what happened to the Dark Universe.
PACINO’S SPEECH
Oliver Stone’s Any Given Sunday could have been so much more than it was, and at over two and a half hours, it was already a lot. Its overlong run time isn’t the only issue the film has, though; it also reiterates timeworn sports movie cliches and attempts to cast a critical eye on pro football even as Stone fetishizes it. All that aside, when you’ve got Al Pacino at your disposal, the smartest thing you can do is set him loose on some meaty lines, and that’s exactly what happens when Pacino delivers a pregame pep talk late in the film. It’s a powerful moment that really cements what Stone saw when he cast Pacino in the role of a head coach. Who wouldn’t follow that man?
THE BIG WAVE
It’s always a little tricky to turn real-life tragedy into a blockbuster production, but Wolfgang Petersen gathered a top-notch cast and gave it a go anyway. The Perfect Storm provided a pre-Pirates opportunity for Petersen to practice his nautical storytelling skills, but he proved he was more interested in the spectacle of it all. At the very least, he delivered an epic climax that ramped up the drama and pitted George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg, William Fichtner, and the rest of the Andrea Gail crew against a monster wave they couldn’t hope to survive. It’s an amazing image, and the fact that it isn’t an exaggeration of what the open sea may hold makes it that much more terrifying.
They’ve been a long time coming, but Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan are reaching the climax with Fifty Shades Freed, opening wide this Friday. And if history is any indication (Grey and Darker are 25% and 10% respectively on the Tomatometer), Freed won’t be hitting the spot with critics, prompting this week’s gallery of the most Rotten movie trilogies ever.
In this week’s Ketchup, we found out which Autobots and Decepticons will appear in "Transformers," and George Lucas gave some more hints about the new "Indiana Jones”"flick.
Also making headlines: "The Incredible Hulk" may have a Hulk after all, the creators of "South Park" will have at least two more chances to offend the hell out of everyone in the form of live-action movies, and "Ocean’s 13" will be enough for Steven Soderbergh. Read on for details.
This Week’s Most Popular News:
"Transformers" Revealed!
Which "robots in disguise" will show up for Michael Bay’s live-action "Transformers" next year? Two of the pic’s screenwriters showed up online this morning to reveal just which Autobots and Decepticons we can look forward to seeing duke it out on the big screen.
"Indiana Jones 4" and The Phantom Menace
Finally proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that he has no clue what hardcore movie geeks thought of "Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace," filmmaker George Lucas recently used that film to explain where the "Indiana Jones" series is headed. I know, the guy’s nuts.
New Hulk Escaped From Prison?
So far we have a villain (Abomination), a director (Louis Leterrier), and a title ("The Incredible Hulk") for the "Hulk" sequel … but we don’t have a HULK yet! Looks like SuperheroHype.com might have a little info in that department.
"South Park" Guys to Go Live-Action — Twice
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, best known as the creators of "South Park," have signed an interesting new deal with Paramount that will allow the chuckle-makers to mount two new live-action flicks: One called "My All-American" and the other one entitled "Giant Monsters Attack Japan!
No More "Oceans" After Lucky 13
To those of you (ok, us) who’ve been wondering how many "Oceanis" movies Steven Soderbergh has left in him, you now have an answer: The next one, "Ocean’s Thirteen" will be the last one.
Will he outmaneuver the giant rolling ball of critics and fans?
In Other News:
Variety reported the other day that we’d soon be graced by Sony with a second sequel to "I Know What You Did Last Summer" — and that’s not all, folks. Raise your hand if you’re dying to see sequels to "Hollow Man" and/or "Road House."
"Hollow Man 2" will be directed by Claudio Fah ("Coronado") and written by Joel Soisson ("Highlander: Endgame"), while "Road House 2" still needs a writer, but has a director in Scott Ziehl ("Cruel Intentions 3").
Variety wonders if these three new sequels will head direct to DVD; I’d be willing to put money on it.
The always reliable FilmJerk.com brings news that’s bound to thrill all the horror fans out there, and I use the word "thrill" with heavy sarcasm. Yes, that’s right: A second sequel to "I Know What You Did Last Summer" is on the way — only this time we won’t have Jennifer Love Hewitt or Freddie Prinze to snicker at.
"I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer" will be directed by Damon Santostefano ("Three to Tango") from a screenplay by Michael Weiss ("Octopus 2: River of Fear"). Production is scheduled to begin this August.
Oh, and here’s the plot: "Four teens from a small Colorado town will be victimized by a phantom menace one year after a July Fourth prank gone awry kills one of their buddies. Against the protestation of one of them, the group agree to keep this secret, only to find their friendships torn apart from the strain."
Click on over to FilmJerk for the rest of the scoop!
