"Crank," Wicker Man," "Idiocracy" Won't Be Screened For Critics -- Guess The Tomatometer!

by | August 30, 2006 | Comments

The studios have been hiding movies from those pesky scribes all year long, but this time they’ve outdone themselves. This week, three movies won’t be screened before getting tossed into the theaters: Neil LaBute‘s remake of "The Wicker Man," starring Nicolas Cage; "Crank," another high-octane actioner starring Jason Statham; and Mike Judge‘s "Idiocracy," a "Futurama"-esque comedy starring Luke Wilson.

What’s odd about this batch of unscreened films is that two of them are directed by established helmers. They include the generally blameless Judge, the man behind such beloved creations as "Beavis and Butthead" and "Office Space," and LaBute, whose filmography is a bit darker ("In the Company of Men," "Your Friends and Neighbors") but has never been uninteresting. Even stranger, "Idiocracy" is opening in limited release, but is bypassing the normal release pattern by playing outside of New York City and the San Francisco Bay Area.

No, these aren’t the sad movie critics waiting in vain to see "The Wicker Man"….

So we’re going to play that increasingly popular party game: Guess the Tomatometer! (If the studios continue to stop screening movies beforehand, GTT may replace the NFL and Nascar as one of the most popular games in America.) But we’ll make it easier for you with some super unscientific calculations. The average Tomatometer of the movies not screened for critics is just under 15 percent; Basically, we’ve taken the average Tomatometer of unscreened films plus the average Tomatometer of the key participants’ films divided by two. By factoring in the combined Tomatometers of LaBute, and stars Cage and Ellen Burstyn, we’re guessing "The Wicker Man" will wind up around 42 percent. Utilizing Judge’s and Wilson‘s Tomatometers, "Idiocracy" may wind up in the area of 38 percent. And since the directors of "Crank" are relative newcomers, we’ll use Statham, Amy Smart, and Dwight Yoakam to guesstimate that "Crank" will end up around 32 percent. Feel free to knock as many points off as you feel is necessary.

…and no, this is not a metaphor for what the studios think those mean ol’ critics will do to the opening weekend grosses.

Films Not Screened For Critics In 2006 (Best To Worst Tomatometer Score):
69% — Snakes on a Plane
28% — Silent Hill
27% — Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
23% — Phat Girlz
16% — Grandma’s Boy
15% — Underworld: Evolution
11% — The Benchwarmers
10% — Ultraviolet
10% — When a Stranger Calls
7% — Date Movie
7% — Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
6% — Material Girls
6% — See No Evil
5% — Doogal
5% — BloodRayne
5% — Stay Alive
0% — Zoom

Tag Cloud

IFC Films Comics on TV crossover ViacomCBS dceu strong female leads Starz WGN LGBTQ archives parents Fox News Apple TV Plus The Purge Hallmark Christmas movies Crackle singing competition New York Comic Con theme song screen actors guild 4/20 comedies TV Trivia pirates of the caribbean Tomatazos child's play Broadway monster movies 2018 Podcast Spike richard e. Grant 24 frames Horror Epix classics Chilling Adventures of Sabrina IFC series stoner cancelled TV series Sci-Fi SundanceTV james bond Schedule FX ghosts DGA Summer Opinion Paramount Plus The Arrangement Infographic scorecard justice league golden globe awards Pop TV BAFTA National Geographic The Walking Dead criterion Countdown Sundance doctor who Marvel Studios HBO Go Britbox 2019 crime thriller rotten Pride Month Nominations children's TV name the review BET Toys crime Lifetime Christmas movies Nat Geo WarnerMedia 21st Century Fox slashers Rom-Com 71st Emmy Awards free movies versus reviews technology telelvision Disney Channel serial killer golden globes cooking green book Certified Fresh Nickelodeon emmy awards TCA kong vampires Winners Watching Series Ellie Kemper Fantasy trailers Shudder Ghostbusters halloween tv Winter TV spain E! directors Red Carpet natural history DC streaming service animated Avengers women Hallmark San Diego Comic-Con 2020 Mystery superhero renewed TV shows YouTube Marathons TIFF stand-up comedy Emmy Nominations TV One dragons diversity Holiday spanish language miniseries Pop razzies Film Festival CBS SXSW popular cops CW Seed Super Bowl harry potter sag awards Adult Swim The Academy space Legendary Travel Channel Academy Awards VICE CBS All Access talk show fast and furious Fall TV italian blockbusters nfl 45 Superheroe new star wars movies kaiju Bravo Spectrum Originals 2015 Food Network Warner Bros. DirecTV BBC zombies werewolf Christmas rt archives Cannes FX on Hulu Netflix Christmas movies discovery medical drama HBO Family foreign police drama war obituary period drama Black Mirror 72 Emmy Awards christmas movies TCA 2017 Lionsgate President Teen YouTube Red VH1 Awards cinemax worst YA binge hollywood ID Country unscripted cancelled TV shows Set visit australia Television Critics Association franchise superman X-Men book adaptation Acorn TV Marvel Drama Columbia Pictures finale casting cancelled fresh adventure video on demand TBS robots PBS TCA Winter 2020 78th Annual Golden Globe Awards VOD worst movies Women's History Month Premiere Dates Musical witnail Mary Poppins Returns dogs Spring TV romance MTV joker Rocky Election social media docuseries The Witch hispanic revenge Syfy Discovery Channel The Walt Disney Company streaming king kong Esquire rotten movies we love comic books game show BBC America comic Netflix Disney+ Disney Plus hist concert Creative Arts Emmys science fiction GIFs Kids & Family CNN black disaster Arrowverse zero dark thirty Extras Emmys romantic comedy teaser Rocketman History Peacock mission: impossible Captain marvel toronto Walt Disney Pictures Song of Ice and Fire elevated horror dark indie Box Office Sundance Now Showtime cartoon Superheroes Character Guide video independent DC Universe zombie quibi Mudbound spider-man Stephen King Pirates sequels ITV Shondaland Polls and Games Paramount Sundance TV Music See It Skip It 20th Century Fox Masterpiece E3 award winner politics game of thrones Black History Month jamie lee curtis Sony Pictures adaptation dc Ovation Martial Arts french Calendar universal monsters FOX ratings Exclusive Video El Rey MSNBC Action Pet Sematary Binge Guide First Reviews PaleyFest anthology cars 2016 dramedy Oscars thriller BBC One boxing nbcuniversal Comedy Central Reality prank FXX movies Pixar football stop motion films critics cancelled television Alien transformers Mary Tyler Moore breaking bad Turner Classic Movies remakes documentary Anna Paquin supernatural ABC Family Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Cartoon Network Apple Mary poppins boxoffice TV Land USA Network festival Elton John Sneak Peek ABC Reality Competition Cosplay RT History kids Dark Horse Comics aliens Amazon Studios anime screenings Disney streaming service laika TV renewals Freeform Classic Film book Amazon Prime Crunchyroll Writers Guild of America 2017 TCA Awards CMT mutant Hulu reboot Comedy best historical drama biography Grammys sports comiccon Quiz TCM ABC Signature AMC docudrama travel Lifetime A24 USA Trophy Talk blockbuster satire Disney BET Awards japanese heist movie Western news Rock Mindy Kaling APB Baby Yoda 99% Thanksgiving GoT Funimation Brie Larson sitcom Tarantino nature batman Heroines based on movie A&E venice political drama scary movies The CW Endgame crime drama facebook television Amazon 93rd Oscars canceled ESPN a nightmare on elm street blaxploitation OWN Holidays south america twilight Apple TV+ deadpool LGBT toy story chucky Star Trek Comic Book Star Wars Valentine's Day HBO Max all-time spinoff NYCC composers RT21 Biopics Chernobyl Turner Amazon Prime Video mockumentary psycho SDCC Television Academy 2021 First Look Film Year in Review godzilla Disney Plus Trailer what to watch Interview spy thriller MCU Hear Us Out NBC spanish GLAAD PlayStation Vudu Marvel Television Awards Tour Fox Searchlight movie die hard sequel Universal hidden camera indiana jones asian-american festivals Paramount Network cats psychological thriller Lucasfilm TLC Best and Worst halloween 007 rom-coms Photos OneApp Video Games YouTube Premium tv talk DC Comics Tubi comics TruTV Animation jurassic park Tumblr Musicals latino American Society of Cinematographers cults TNT documentaries canceled TV shows true crime Logo