"Crank," Wicker Man," "Idiocracy" Won't Be Screened For Critics -- Guess The Tomatometer!

by | August 30, 2006 | Comments

The studios have been hiding movies from those pesky scribes all year long, but this time they’ve outdone themselves. This week, three movies won’t be screened before getting tossed into the theaters: Neil LaBute‘s remake of "The Wicker Man," starring Nicolas Cage; "Crank," another high-octane actioner starring Jason Statham; and Mike Judge‘s "Idiocracy," a "Futurama"-esque comedy starring Luke Wilson.

What’s odd about this batch of unscreened films is that two of them are directed by established helmers. They include the generally blameless Judge, the man behind such beloved creations as "Beavis and Butthead" and "Office Space," and LaBute, whose filmography is a bit darker ("In the Company of Men," "Your Friends and Neighbors") but has never been uninteresting. Even stranger, "Idiocracy" is opening in limited release, but is bypassing the normal release pattern by playing outside of New York City and the San Francisco Bay Area.


No, these aren’t the sad movie critics waiting in vain to see "The Wicker Man"….

So we’re going to play that increasingly popular party game: Guess the Tomatometer! (If the studios continue to stop screening movies beforehand, GTT may replace the NFL and Nascar as one of the most popular games in America.) But we’ll make it easier for you with some super unscientific calculations. The average Tomatometer of the movies not screened for critics is just under 15 percent; Basically, we’ve taken the average Tomatometer of unscreened films plus the average Tomatometer of the key participants’ films divided by two. By factoring in the combined Tomatometers of LaBute, and stars Cage and Ellen Burstyn, we’re guessing "The Wicker Man" will wind up around 42 percent. Utilizing Judge’s and Wilson‘s Tomatometers, "Idiocracy" may wind up in the area of 38 percent. And since the directors of "Crank" are relative newcomers, we’ll use Statham, Amy Smart, and Dwight Yoakam to guesstimate that "Crank" will end up around 32 percent. Feel free to knock as many points off as you feel is necessary.


…and no, this is not a metaphor for what the studios think those mean ol’ critics will do to the opening weekend grosses.

Films Not Screened For Critics In 2006 (Best To Worst Tomatometer Score):
————————————————
69% — Snakes on a Plane
28% — Silent Hill
27% — Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
23% — Phat Girlz
16% — Grandma’s Boy
15% — Underworld: Evolution
11% — The Benchwarmers
10% — Ultraviolet
10% — When a Stranger Calls
7% — Date Movie
7% — Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
6% — Material Girls
6% — See No Evil
5% — Doogal
5% — BloodRayne
5% — Stay Alive
0% — Zoom

Tag Cloud

FOX travel serial killer Winter TV DC Comics DC streaming service spy thriller Spike TIFF Pop Best and Worst finale boxoffice crime Shondaland Photos Trailer E! period drama blaxploitation USA Network Netflix Cartoon Network See It Skip It Kids & Family Election justice league NBC doctor who historical drama supernatural History USA 24 frames WGN President Freeform festivals Rock TCA 2017 Sundance Now 2015 Cosplay Nickelodeon TV Land Disney Channel Martial Arts Animation Holidays Box Office TV CMT TNT crossover cooking VH1 Trivia Ovation Extras TLC sports BBC GoT 45 National Geographic crime drama vampires Set visit Fall TV thriller A&E Western Drama Masterpiece Super Bowl adventure crime thriller Opinion ABC Family Britbox Food Network robots what to watch sitcom Lionsgate First Look cults Rocky Amazon 2016 Superheroes Marvel YouTube Red politics ITV Creative Arts Emmys FX technology Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt HBO Ellie Kemper hist TCM Polls and Games PaleyFest Syfy cops Comic Book unscripted Character Guide GLAAD Podcast Comedy ratings Showtime Valentine's Day Mary Tyler Moore Summer dc aliens golden globes war X-Men Dark Horse Comics Calendar Musicals IFC Walt Disney Pictures police drama Oscars TCA diversity Nominations dceu Esquire dramedy Warner Bros. Logo ESPN Paramount Network Sneak Peek Star Wars Disney Spring TV Premiere Dates Countdown Pirates medical drama GIFs Teen comiccon Tumblr Red Carpet APB PBS streaming CBS 2017 Toys BBC America Winners docudrama SDCC social media Crackle VICE Video Games Starz Action based on movie Music Tomatazos SundanceTV cats romance Fantasy MSNBC Universal Lucasfilm Superheroe singing competition Song of Ice and Fire Comedy Central TBS Nat Geo The Arrangement Country Pixar Thanksgiving DC Universe YA The CW binge Sony Pictures Mindy Kaling Schedule Biopics Ghostbusters 20th Century Fox science fiction Acorn TV Mystery Musical Star Trek American Society of Cinematographers CW Seed Apple discovery Watching Series 007 Reality MTV Marathons El Rey CBS All Access San Diego Comic-Con E3 21st Century Fox cinemax Sci-Fi mutant Emmys Rom-Com Lifetime biography Christmas CNN SXSW Writers Guild of America ABC OWN Sundance talk show zombies FXX zombie LGBTQ Epix Horror Columbia Pictures Adult Swim Paramount Hulu Awards Grammys RT History NYCC transformers BET Certified Fresh TruTV YouTube Premium Bravo psycho Fox News Interview IFC Films Infographic Year in Review DirecTV AMC harry potter Reality Competition composers political drama