"Crank," Wicker Man," "Idiocracy" Won't Be Screened For Critics -- Guess The Tomatometer!

by | August 30, 2006 | Comments

The studios have been hiding movies from those pesky scribes all year long, but this time they’ve outdone themselves. This week, three movies won’t be screened before getting tossed into the theaters: Neil LaBute‘s remake of "The Wicker Man," starring Nicolas Cage; "Crank," another high-octane actioner starring Jason Statham; and Mike Judge‘s "Idiocracy," a "Futurama"-esque comedy starring Luke Wilson.

What’s odd about this batch of unscreened films is that two of them are directed by established helmers. They include the generally blameless Judge, the man behind such beloved creations as "Beavis and Butthead" and "Office Space," and LaBute, whose filmography is a bit darker ("In the Company of Men," "Your Friends and Neighbors") but has never been uninteresting. Even stranger, "Idiocracy" is opening in limited release, but is bypassing the normal release pattern by playing outside of New York City and the San Francisco Bay Area.


No, these aren’t the sad movie critics waiting in vain to see "The Wicker Man"….

So we’re going to play that increasingly popular party game: Guess the Tomatometer! (If the studios continue to stop screening movies beforehand, GTT may replace the NFL and Nascar as one of the most popular games in America.) But we’ll make it easier for you with some super unscientific calculations. The average Tomatometer of the movies not screened for critics is just under 15 percent; Basically, we’ve taken the average Tomatometer of unscreened films plus the average Tomatometer of the key participants’ films divided by two. By factoring in the combined Tomatometers of LaBute, and stars Cage and Ellen Burstyn, we’re guessing "The Wicker Man" will wind up around 42 percent. Utilizing Judge’s and Wilson‘s Tomatometers, "Idiocracy" may wind up in the area of 38 percent. And since the directors of "Crank" are relative newcomers, we’ll use Statham, Amy Smart, and Dwight Yoakam to guesstimate that "Crank" will end up around 32 percent. Feel free to knock as many points off as you feel is necessary.


…and no, this is not a metaphor for what the studios think those mean ol’ critics will do to the opening weekend grosses.

Films Not Screened For Critics In 2006 (Best To Worst Tomatometer Score):
————————————————
69% — Snakes on a Plane
28% — Silent Hill
27% — Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Family Reunion
23% — Phat Girlz
16% — Grandma’s Boy
15% — Underworld: Evolution
11% — The Benchwarmers
10% — Ultraviolet
10% — When a Stranger Calls
7% — Date Movie
7% — Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector
6% — Material Girls
6% — See No Evil
5% — Doogal
5% — BloodRayne
5% — Stay Alive
0% — Zoom

Tag Cloud

witnail Comedy Central Freeform DC Comics cartoon batman The Walking Dead BET CW Seed Dark Horse Comics Watching Series spy thriller Amazon TIFF Holidays stand-up comedy Emmy Nominations crime thriller Fall TV zero dark thirty Disney+ Disney Plus YouTube canceled talk show latino Thanksgiving series Cartoon Network Mindy Kaling Netflix Christmas movies sitcom TV renewals Trailer Syfy Columbia Pictures Lucasfilm south america independent cinemax screenings Superheroe Binge Guide HBO Crunchyroll DirecTV FOX streaming Lifetime Shondaland crossover IFC cars MTV Horror justice league Drama Interview Masterpiece boxoffice TCA 2017 Hallmark 2017 romance game of thrones El Rey cooking Chernobyl Rock GIFs tv talk 007 Oscars Lionsgate Mystery Esquire Marvel Studios Schedule Star Trek joker Disney Channel Adult Swim Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Western E3 21st Century Fox TruTV Mudbound 71st Emmy Awards quibi comiccon FX historical drama Red Carpet crime drama Nominations TCA A&E Awards Tour disaster werewolf Family Marathons theme song social media finale Musical Amazon Prime Video space toy story RT21 Logo Sony Pictures TNT political drama Reality Competition rotten movies we love CBS singing competition kids Comedy CMT Sundance Now Marvel casting BBC cults spanish language Country Spike Film TLC supernatural The Witch Election award winner Pop anthology movies Disney streaming service Universal thriller Biopics Heroines Reality CNN comics adventure 2018 Action Nat Geo spain serial killer Cannes Lifetime Christmas movies psychological thriller mutant dragons medical drama Superheroes Polls and Games aliens RT History zombie IFC Films Box Office science fiction teaser Apple book Rom-Com Toys Food Network YouTube Red A24 politics halloween Music Paramount Tomatazos Set visit APB NYCC Pet Sematary police drama Awards foreign spinoff period drama USA VICE canceled TV shows DC Universe cancelled TCM free movies LGBT Sneak Peek Best and Worst Winter TV dceu natural history slashers revenge cats hist Stephen King war WarnerMedia PaleyFest OWN FXX Pride Month Star Wars strong female leads HBO Max Photos Warner Bros. anime cancelled television Certified Fresh docudrama crime doctor who Winners renewed TV shows binge LGBTQ NBC Paramount Network harry potter Video Games Anna Paquin diversity festivals Teen The Purge Shudder unscripted New York Comic Con ESPN blockbuster television Premiere Dates Film Festival 2015 Fox News 45 robots Sci-Fi GoT Spectrum Originals Trophy Talk Musicals Tarantino game show animated SXSW Women's History Month TV Land Apple TV Plus Ghostbusters biography VH1 CBS All Access ABC Family Opinion See It Skip It DC streaming service TBS San Diego Comic-Con based on movie Disney Turner Classic Movies Christmas Captain marvel Netflix MSNBC breaking bad Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Kids & Family Fantasy Extras Hulu Rocketman comic YouTube Premium Year in Review MCU composers cops psycho Holiday PBS DGA Valentine's Day christmas movies SundanceTV Starz Spring TV GLAAD green book Peacock Acorn TV Epix Infographic 20th Century Fox YA Amazon Prime Ovation Grammys Nickelodeon Quiz discovery true crime cancelled TV series Brie Larson vampires indie blaxploitation Rocky Arrowverse ITV Calendar hispanic golden globes zombies National Geographic Comics on TV sequel spider-man Classic Film richard e. Grant 24 frames Showtime First Reviews transformers children's TV Summer Vudu Bravo Countdown jamie lee curtis cancelled TV shows Apple TV+ Emmys Podcast ABC sports Creative Arts Emmys Martial Arts Trivia Pirates Animation Walt Disney Pictures Britbox dc Tumblr AMC The Arrangement X-Men Pixar what to watch The CW 2019 2016 Sundance Mary Tyler Moore Cosplay President technology Character Guide facebook Elton John versus elevated horror Writers Guild of America Comic Book dramedy miniseries ghosts USA Network adaptation Television Academy Turner nature Mary Poppins Returns romantic comedy BBC America Mary poppins SDCC E! Marvel Television Crackle video ratings Super Bowl First Look Hallmark Christmas movies Black Mirror TV WGN American Society of Cinematographers travel mockumentary Song of Ice and Fire Ellie Kemper History Disney Plus