Whenever I share a new Top Ten List or Critic’s Group Nomination list, I’m always extra careful to be fair and respectful of other peoples’ opinions. But after seeing what the "People’s Choice Awards" handed out for 2005’s movies, I just can’t contain myself. It’s simply too hilarious.
According to CNN, "the nominations were determined by editors at Entertainment Weekly, the People’s Choice production team and a panel of pop culture fans. Winners were determined by Internet voting."
So here are the peoples’ choices:
Favorite Female Movie Star: Sandra Bullock
Also nominated: Angelina Jolie & Nicole Kidman
(Ms. Bullock appeared in two films in 2005: the ensemble drama "Crash" and the stunningly awful "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous.")
Favorite Male Movie Star: Johnny Depp
Also nominated: Nicolas Cage & Samuel L. Jackson
(OK, no real complaint here, even if applauding the awesomeness of Johnny Depp has grown a little old-hat by now. JD did have a great ’05 tho, starring in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," "Corpse Bride," and "The Libertine.")
Favorite Leading Lady: Reese Witherspoon
Also nominated: Cameron Diaz & Renee Zellweger
(So does this mean Reese isn’t a "movie star"?)
Favorite Leading Man: Brad Pitt
Also nominated: Jamie Foxx & Adam Sandler
(Just for "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" alone? OK, peoples. Better than the alternatives, anyway.)
Favorite Female Action Star: Jennifer Garner
Also nominated: Angelina Jolie & Catherine Zeta-Jones
(Well this just makes no freakin’ sense at all. The only action movie Ms. Garner appeared in last year was "Elektra," which nobody went to see because it sucked. And yet enough people saw it to make it their "choice.")
Favorite Male Action Star: Matthew McConaughey
Also nominated: Brad Pitt & The Rock
(For "Sahara"? Did nobody SEE the lead actor in "Batman Begins"?)
Favorite On-Screen Matchup: Vince Vaughn & Owen Wilson in "Wedding Crashers"
Also nominated: Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith" and Chris Rock & Adam Sandler in "The Longest Yard"
(I’m really glad they said "On-Screen," otherwise I’d assume Vince and Owen are lovers.)
Favorite Movie Comedy: "Wedding Crashers"
Also nominated: "Hitch" & "The Longest Yard"
(Raise your hand if you honestly think "Wedding Crashers" is funnier than "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," which somehow didn’t even earn a nomination.)
Favorite Family Movie: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"
Also nominated: "Chicken Little" & "Madagascar"
(Another decent pick, although "Wallace & Gromit" would have been nominated if the average American didn’t think British films come with subtitles.)
Favorite Movie Drama: "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"
Also nominated: "Batman Begins" & "Coach Carter"
Favorite Movie: "Star Wars: Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"
Also nominated: "Batman Begins" & "Hitch"
(OK, I’ll let ’em get away with the overall movie pick since "Sith" was huge at the box office and I really dug it a whole lot, but … BEST DRAMA??? The "American public" chose Star Wars freakin’ 3 as best drama??? Oh, people. You must stop. Why make the U.S. even more of a global laughing stock? "Brokeback Mountain" is a drama. "Good Night, and Good Luck." is a drama! "Munich," "A History of Violence," "Crash," "Walk the Line," and alllll of THESE MOVIES are dramas. Sorry, but I figure a working knowledge of genre classifications is a minimum requirement if you’re going to vote on any sort of movie poll … even one this painfully silly. Next year they’ll give "BloodRayne" best musical.)
My apologies to the folks on the People’s Choice payroll for my derisive mockery, but c’mon, you guys made it way too easy. And I challenge anyone to explain to me how "Star Wars 3" qualifies as a drama.