Uwe Boll Launches Pro-Boll Campaign; Which Side Are You On?

The brazen filmmaker answers call for his retirement with a petition of his own.

by | April 11, 2008 | Comments

Uwe Boll is a genius. So says a recent video posted to YouTube by…Uwe Boll. But why would the world’s most self-aware maker of movies feel the need to defend his own existence?

There are plenty of reasons why anyone might wish for the early retirement of the world’s proudest bad filmmaker. (“Bad” being an objective term as judged by the esteemed Tomatometer, where Boll has a career average of four percent.) After suffering the derision of his harshest critics for films like Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne, the amateur pugilist challenged five scribes to a boxing match (and won each bout) back in 2006. But perhaps there were better ways for conscientious film lovers to battle the forces of the Raging Boll…

In an April interview with genre website FEARnet, Boll acknowledged an online poll calling for him to quit filmmaking altogether. “How many signatures would it take,” FEARnet asked. Boll’s answer: “One million. Now we have a new goal.” As of today, the Stop Dr. Uwe Boll petition has garnered over 180,000 signatures.

With his detractors more than one-tenth of the way to his retirement, Boll posted a follow-up response.
“So hi, here’s Uwe Boll, and I have a statement to make about that Internet petition,” he begins. “I want…a pro-Boll petition and I expect a million votes pro-Boll. Because look — I’m not a f***ing retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business. Or Eli Roth, making the same sh**ty movies over and over again. If you really look at my movies you will see my real genius.”

Boll makes sure to add a shout out to his forthcoming political satire, Postal. “If you go on May 23 to Postal you will see that I deliver a movie what nobody else deliver in the last ten years. What is way better [than] all that social critic George Clooney bullshit what you get every f***ing weekend. You have to really wake up and see me for what I am — I’m the only genius in the whole f***ing business. Goodbye. ”

To refresh your memory, we present Dr. Uwe Boll’s career in Tomatometers:

Blackwoods: 11%

House of the Dead: 4%

In the Name of the King:

A Dungeon Siege Tale
: 2%

Alone in the Dark: 1%

BloodRayne: 4%

Postal: 25% (unofficial)

Now that you’ve done your homework, pick a side. Will it be Stop Dr. Uwe Boll or Long Live Uwe Boll?

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