During the 1990s, America made just two major remakes of
Godzilla. But ever since
The Ring made $128 million and a few careers in 2002, J-Horror remake
fever has gripped the studios (whilst giving critics a gnarly case of
J-Jaundice). The latest remake,
One Missed Call,
opened to a strong $12.5 million over the weekend and an equally strong
zero percent Tomatometer.
Based on the 2003 Takashi Miike movie, One Missed Call
imagines cell phones as instruments of terror instead of the never-inconvenient
tools they are today: If a victim answers their phone (presaged by an ominous
ringtone), they’ll get a recording of their imminent death. Upon its release critics spread the
word of One Missed Call‘s merits, which includes,
according to Ken Fox from TV Guide, "dull scares, [a] sloppy ending
and a pair of unconvincing, leaden lead performances" from
eFilmCritic‘s Brian Orndorf
likens the movie to "a swift kick to the groin," while John P. McCarthy of
Box Office Magazine
calls it "so tedious that Alexander Graham Bell would have difficulty
staying awake." Those Film School Rejects
agree: "It’s as if Vanilla Ice wrote the script, sampling elements from
The Ring and The Grudge with a dash of Pulse sprinkled in."
More choice calls amongst the 40+ reviews:
Slant Magazine: "[The] original 2003 One Missed Call was second-
lousier American remake is something like the next generation of suck.
Chicago Tribune: "If you missed the first One Missed Call, made
in Japan in 2004, you now can miss the American remake."
Onion A.V. Club: "About as fresh and vital as a fifth-
dub of The Star Wars Holiday Special."
The only recent comparable wide release is August’s
Daddy Day Camp,
which plumbed the depths down to a one percent Tomatometer.