Five Favorite Films

Rocket Raccoon's Five Favorite Films

by | September 24, 2015 | Comments

First off, I gotta say it’s a real honor to be buried here halfway down the Rotten Tomatoes homepage! I hope the genius who decided to go to Peter Bogdanovich for his Top 5 before asking yours truly has a fun time explaining that to the boss! I mean, COME ON!

Now when it comes to film, I mostly just like sayin’ ‘oeuvre’ and watchin’ the blank look on Drax’s face, but I do keep a personal library of my faves. So here they are in no particular order…


Dirty Harry (1971) 89%

Dirty Harry Callahan would make a GREAT Guardian of the Galaxy. We don’t hardly count as 100% heroes, but we ain’t 100% outlaws neither. We’re… a bit of both. This should be required viewing for anyone in law enforcement. I’M LOOKING AT YOU, NOVA CORPS. I only have one tiny critique — Callahan was wasting time with that puny “.44 Magnum.” He needs my “.88 Maxnum,” my quad-blaster, or even better, my Hadron Enforcer! NOW ask yourself, “Do I feel lucky?!” OH, YEAH!

Rascal (1969)

When I first met Peter Quill in Kyln, I ain’t never heard of a “raccoon,” but he made me watch this movie and… aww flarg, I loved it! It’s a gritty tale about a wily raccoon that gets abducted by one of Quill’s ancient ancestors in some cheese hut called “Wisconsin.” The little guy unleashes a whole lot of krutack on his captors and eventually cons the kid into letting him go free. It reminded me of my own childhood, when I got stuck in a lab on Halfworld. That’s where I met my best bud Groot. This flick had us bawling like saplings. BUT DON’T TELL QUILL! I don’t want him to know we was gettin’ sentimental…

 

First Blood (1982) 85%

Ohhh yeaaaaahhhhhh. Rambo. Greatest krutackin’ warrior this side of the galaxy. Listen, after me and Groot escaped from Halfworld, we had it tough. We started collecting bounties for units, and fell into plenty of “misunderstandings” with Nova Corps — we know how this guy feels! What I like best about Rambo though — he weren’t out there to hurt nobody. And me and the Guardians, we’re savin’ lives now!

Actually, you know what? That ain’t what I like best about Rambo — I like when he BLOWS THAT D’AST TOWN TO SMITHEREENS. What can I say? I love anything that goes BOOM!

 

Pocahontas (1995) 55%

A fascinating character study of how another rebel raccoon Meeko manipulates a buncha useless fleshbags into arguing over a buncha Earth units that weren’t even real, just to feed his bottomless appetite — FOR POWER! I always say there ain’t no thing like me, ‘cept me, but Meeko’s pretty d’ast close. He’s even got his own talking tree sidekick, Granny Willow! And look, Groot’s great, but he ain’t got the powers of persuasion that this barky broad had. But Meeko and Granny, they took it too far — they almost started a WAR! Me an’ Groot, we’re all about protecting our galaxy (YOU’RE WELCOME, BY THE WAY). But trust you me, Meeko is the greatest antihero of Earth cinema. Five stars!

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) 92%

You know d’ast well this is my favorite film! Adapted from my super-violent memoirs, Marvel Studios brought to Earth the formerly little-known story of how a one-of-a-kind hero, YOURS TRULY, united a group of Kyln prison rookies and saved the whole krutackin’ galaxy! Bradley Cooper, an acclaimed cinematic thespian, starred as ME, while TV’s Chris Pratt turned in a surprising performance in what was SUPPOSED to be a supporting role (Don’t worry, Rocket fans, I got a “call” into his agent!). Still, this biopic was mostly factualistic. Only thing is, they messed up the title — the more accurate nomenclature is Rocket and Some D’ast Useless Flargs. I’ve offered it up free of charge for the sequel.

And that’s it, cinephiles! I’m sure some of you got different picks, but this ain’t a debate!


Now stop stealin’ yer boss’s internet and get back to work! Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 opens on May 5, 2017.

  • NameNamerson

    oh man you just took me back! Great list

  • vongoh

    Hah! This was great, the writer nailed the voice of Rocket

  • BlackAdamForPresident

    I approve.

  • Tinwoods

    Yes, great job capturing Rocket! Bravo, “staff”!

  • John Simon Caughman IV

    Best Celebrity Top 5 films EVERRR

  • You have some good picks there rocket.. who am I to argue with a gun toting Raccoon.

  • Dodo

    Hehe.

  • UKMikey

    Rocket, you have great taste my man. (And the writer has d’ast good chops in klutarcking space slang.)

Tag Cloud

Trophy Talk Winter TV Warner Bros. 2017 Nominations MTV Shudder romantic comedy Sundance twilight scary movies ESPN revenge jamie lee curtis sag awards CBS All Access Marathons king kong fast and furious Television Academy unscripted Ellie Kemper Certified Fresh APB Comics on TV festivals IFC Holiday Family Character Guide game of thrones award winner E! dramedy Disney Plus Black History Month New York Comic Con TCM independent dark dragons FOX TCA Musical Tarantino HBO OWN DC streaming service vampires based on movie Universal Red Carpet theme song football cancelled television book satire TBS anime PaleyFest Walt Disney Pictures See It Skip It FX cinemax crime ABC Family witnail renewed TV shows Countdown Tubi Song of Ice and Fire Film Festival BET Awards Classic Film reviews docuseries Drama E3 2016 TruTV Cosplay strong female leads Infographic biography name the review BAFTA archives Toys Star Wars Travel Channel NYCC 20th Century Fox razzies TLC screen actors guild stand-up comedy supernatural Pixar TV Land DirecTV die hard Film natural history 71st Emmy Awards 2018 rotten movies we love Mindy Kaling police drama obituary WGN Pirates cats Lionsgate Podcast comics rt archives CMT hist ABC Signature First Look space emmy awards Academy Awards FXX Teen blaxploitation parents best critics concert FX on Hulu jurassic park Biopics pirates of the caribbean toronto cooking slashers Polls and Games Pop Opinion Animation monster movies The Purge Comic Book Quiz psycho Calendar Premiere Dates 21st Century Fox child's play sequel Heroines Arrowverse cops First Reviews halloween tv reboot Superheroes thriller Ghostbusters Paramount Plus canceled zombie Spike DC Comics canceled TV shows Writers Guild of America women finale MSNBC screenings trailers Hulu Box Office Ovation children's TV Awards quibi versus harry potter Extras deadpool casting El Rey Women's History Month Oscars Sneak Peek LGBT batman disaster DC Universe Alien Best and Worst hollywood Showtime transformers Turner films Paramount Network Awards Tour 99% Food Network boxing Epix Rock golden globes Disney Channel IFC Films free movies Rocky National Geographic serial killer Binge Guide Spectrum Originals ratings singing competition australia nbcuniversal sitcom mockumentary television Sundance Now Comedy Central GIFs 2021 social media indie YA spinoff 78th Annual Golden Globe Awards cars OneApp period drama Dark Horse Comics documentaries LGBTQ travel comiccon Stephen King spider-man 2015 DGA comic Acorn TV Amazon Disney streaming service Thanksgiving MCU zero dark thirty asian-american politics Turner Classic Movies Netflix Christmas movies Mystery Bravo Vudu Apple james bond robots diversity criterion hispanic Comedy Nat Geo laika golden globe awards The Academy Hallmark Christmas movies Elton John USA Network Nickelodeon Syfy political drama Black Mirror stop motion worst Marvel Television facebook 2020 Fantasy dc italian TCA Awards 4/20 SXSW TIFF ViacomCBS cancelled Christmas classics venice PBS Britbox Trailer ITV Election BBC America teaser Captain marvel Fox Searchlight Baby Yoda boxoffice BET Set visit video on demand Apple TV Plus CW Seed festival YouTube Red YouTube spy thriller true crime animated Television Critics Association President Amazon Prime blockbusters Country Esquire VICE Chilling Adventures of Sabrina Starz The Witch Masterpiece rom-coms Music binge Broadway adventure tv talk nature talk show mutant Summer joker Paramount dogs Watching Series mission: impossible science fiction Western San Diego Comic-Con CNN Action Year in Review Rocketman Tomatazos universal monsters toy story Crackle ghosts Marvel Studios USA TV renewals japanese SundanceTV Mary Poppins Returns Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt Photos 45 Netflix crime thriller CBS spain video remakes Kids & Family Endgame Cartoon Network worst movies Reality Competition crossover Hallmark blockbuster elevated horror Logo Interview Anna Paquin 2019 GLAAD Adult Swim VOD indiana jones cartoon game show VH1 Lucasfilm Funimation ABC Freeform TV One Emmy Nominations breaking bad kids medical drama 24 frames historical drama Trivia all-time GoT Winners RT History BBC Grammys christmas movies Chernobyl TV Pet Sematary TNT Sci-Fi comedies war stoner ID The CW Amazon Studios Reality miniseries prank news Rom-Com sequels streaming WarnerMedia 007 Exclusive Video American Society of Cinematographers fresh werewolf foreign latino Tumblr dceu superman Shondaland cults black justice league Mary Tyler Moore aliens Apple TV+ AMC series comic books Spring TV 72 Emmy Awards what to watch Pride Month Video Games south america halloween Lifetime Christmas movies docudrama PlayStation Sony Pictures Peacock crime drama Avengers spanish TCA Winter 2020 chucky Super Bowl rotten discovery HBO Go Pop TV a nightmare on elm street kong scorecard Columbia Pictures zombies psychological thriller cancelled TV shows technology Fall TV YouTube Premium Valentine's Day History Crunchyroll Cannes adaptation telelvision kaiju A24 Hear Us Out A&E superhero Creative Arts Emmys Musicals directors anthology movies Amazon Prime Video popular sports romance Legendary HBO Max Marvel Emmys Holidays Martial Arts The Walking Dead documentary Sundance TV richard e. Grant doctor who Mary poppins Fox News godzilla TCA 2017 Disney movie composers Star Trek Schedule Horror Brie Larson Lifetime Disney+ Disney Plus Discovery Channel green book RT21 hidden camera NBC nfl X-Men french Superheroe franchise spanish language The Walt Disney Company BBC One cancelled TV series The Arrangement Mudbound SDCC