The Rotten Tomatoes staff, we could’ve been contenders. Could’ve gone to the Olympics. But instead of becoming world-class athletes, we trained and followed our other true calling: aggregating things on the internet.

But with the 2016 Summer Olympics here, we can’t help but think, “What if…?” Let’s say Rotten Tomatoes were a sovereign nation. Here would be the 24 movies and shows we’d send to Brazil to show who’s boss, while the staff sits in office chairs adding mean reviews of Suicide Squad.