We get it. Some of you will require about a week to recover from your holiday dinners and family get-togethers. Some of you are just over the whole partying-on-New-Year’s-Eve thing. Some of you are misanthropes who just want to be left alone to eat potato chips and watch a fictionalized apocalypse unfold on your television. Well, all of you are in luck, because we’ve compiled a handy list of notable TV programming to finish the year from the comfort of your couch. Read on to see who will be airing what in the days leading up to December 31, as well as the various special broadcasts that will air on New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day:
Saturday, December 27, 7pm; NBC
Because when you’re done opening presents, you’ll need a safe outlet for all the violent frustration you felt when Sally got you the Chia Hello Kitty instead of the Chia Shrek you very clearly specified was your preference.
The 37th Annual Kennedy Center Honors
Tuesday, December 30, 8pm; CBS
Stephen Colbert hosts this year’s celebration, which will honor Tom Hanks, Al Green, Lily Tomlin, Patricia McBride, and Sting. We’re not sure if you caught that, so we’ll say it again: Stephen Colbert. He’s so hot right now.
Breaking Bad Marathon
Sunday, December 28 to Monday, December 29, beginning at 9am; AMC
If the holidays have been too cheery for your taste, AMC understands. They’re offering an opportunity to binge-watch the first three seasons of their dark, award-winning drama.
The Walking Dead Marathon
Tuesday, December 30 to Wednesday, December 31, beginning at 8am; AMC
What’s that? Breaking Bad wasn’t bleak enough for you? You need more grime and ripped flesh? AMC knows you so well.
Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest 2015
7pm, ABC
You know the drill. Interviews with celebrities, musical performances, a look back at the year, and of course, the Times Square ball drop.
iHeartRadio Music Festival, Night One
7pm, CW
Watch the biggest pop stars of 2014 ring in the new year. It’s almost like being there, but with 12% fewer sweaty tweens.
New York Philharmonic New Year’s Eve: Gershwin Celebration
7pm, PBS
PBS is inviting you to celebrate the night with the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, who will be playing the music of George Gershwin. This is for you classy kids out there.
Michael Feinstein New Year’s Eve at the Rainbow Room
9pm, PBS
He’s an Emmy- and Grammy-nominated entertainer, and after you rock out to Gershwin, he wants you to spend the rest of the night with him.
New Year’s Eve with Carson Daly
9pm, NBC
Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga will perform together, and folks like Blake Shelton, Pharrell Williams, Gwen Stefani and Seth MacFarlane will show up to make the aforementioned classy PBS-watchers feel super uncool.
Pitbull’s New Year’s Revolution
7pm, Fox
No, really, this is a thing. Pitbull and his musical pals will start the party early, pause for a short interruption of local news, and then come back harder than ever.
Kourtney and Khloe Take the Hamptons Marathon
Beginning at 7am, E!
We promise we won’t judge you if you choose to spend all day in your Duck Dynasty onesie, eating pie and watching the Kardashian sisters be silly human beings. We might even join you for a piece of that pie.
How I Met Your Mother Marathon
Beginning at 9am, Lifetime
Sure, we all know the whole story now, but that shouldn’t prevent fans of the hit sitcom from enjoying a few reruns while fireworks are blasting off in the distance.
The Simpsons Marathon
Beginning at 7pm, FXX
They pulled it off once, and people took notice, so FXX is doing it again. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your favorite Simpsons episodes all night.
The Three Stooges Marathon
Beginning at 7pm, IFC
IFC has found a clever way to remind you about all the myriad ways you flubbed your way through 2014. As you watch Larry, Moe, and Curly bumble around, you may realize how eerily a swift kick to the crotch is representative of that time in March when you locked yourself out of your car with the engine still running.
The Twilight Zone Marathon
7am to 5pm, SyFy
SyFy wants you to question your sanity as the clock strikes midnight on December 31. Will time magically revert back to January 1, 2014? Will you wake up the next morning in a world full of pig-faced humanoids? And what is that outside your window, trying to pry the lid off your garbage? Oh wait, it’s just a raccoon.
Portlandia Marathon
Beginning at 6am, IFC
As you finally stumble home at six in the morning on New Year’s Day, you might think to yourself, “I could really go for some pointed hipster satire by the likes of Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein.” Well, O-M-G, you know what? IFC totally read your future mind, and now you can nurse that emerging hangover with hours upon hours of Portlandia.
Fargo Marathon
Beginning at 11am, FXM
FXM, the offshoot movie network of FX, is planning on showing all ten episodes of the first season of Fargo. Watch it. It’s good. Even if the main guy looks a bit like a Hobbit.
Futurama Marathon
Beginning at 9:21am, Comedy Central
Is it an odd choice for a marathon? Maybe. But what better way to usher in the new year than to look ahead to a bright, animated future full of vulgar robots and Slurm?
