Critics Consensus: Rambo is No Rocky, Guess Meet the Spartans Tomatometer!

This
week at the movies, we’ve got vigilante justice (Rambo, starring
Sylvester Stallone), internet intrigue (Untraceable, starring
Diane
Lane), deft dancing (How She Move, starring
Rutina
Wesley), and Spartan satires (Meet the Spartans, starring
Diedrich
Bader). What do the critics have to say?

Rambo
is back…. but is he better than ever? The critics say he’s about the same
— which is a good thing if you dug
Rambo III, but not if you expected
another First Blood (or
Rocky Balboa, which resurrected another
iconic Sylvester Stallone character — and Sly’s career in the process). Rambo
finds our hero chillin’ in Thailand, enjoying his peaceful existence — until
the disappearance of some aid workers draws him into conflict with the
government of Myanmar. Pundits say Stallone (who also directs) stages some
involving action sequences, but overall, Rambo is unevenly paced, way
too violent, and strangely impersonal. At 25 percent on the Tomatometer, Rambo
isn’t cinema-goers’ worst nightmare, nor is it a dream come true. In fact, it’s
the worst reviewed film in the series. (Check out our
latest Total Recall, in which RT takes a closer look at the Rambo
franchise.)

Ah, the
Internet. It’s a place for finding information, shopping for books, meeting a
potential date…. and, if you’re a serial killer, playing cat-and-mouse with the
FBI. Such is the plot of Untraceable, starring
Diane
Lane as a
cyber-agent tasked with tracking down a killer who slays with greater frequency
when, after posting videos of his brutal deeds, his web traffic increases.
Critics say Untraceable has its moments, but it lacks the will to make
any points about our disconnected, voyeuristic society, and instead goes for
cheap, grisly shocks. At 17 percent on the Tomatometer, Untraceable may
be where you draw the line.

“What should I Netflix tonight? Boring ol’ Zodiac or the Oscar-nominated Norbit?”

Oh, wow,
another coming-of-age tale of a troubled girl who finds herself through the
power of dance. Been there, done that, right? Not so fast. Critics say the
low-budget How She Move is deeper and more energetic than others of its
ilk. Move tells the story of a young woman grieving the death of her
older sister who enters a step dancing competition to earn money for private
school tuition — and a way out of her grim surroundings. The story may be as old
as the hills, but pundits say How She Move is elevated by a commanding
debut performance by
Rutina
Wesley, as well as some excellent choreography and a
sense of urgency. At 69 percent on the Tomatometer, this one has some pretty
good Moves.

It
appears the critics will have to wait to Meet the Spartans, since it
wasn’t screened prior to release. Spartans crosses
300 with
You
Got Served, and also takes shots at Britney Spears. Hilarity (allegedly)
ensues. Kids, it’s time to stop dining in hell for a minute so you can guess
that Tomatometer.

Also
opening this week in limited release:

• U2
  3D, featuring Bono and the gang in concert, and in three dimensions,
  is Certified Fresh at 98 percent on the Tomatometer.

• The
  Palme d’Or-winning
  4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days,
  the story of a woman’s attempt to get an abortion in Communist Romania, is at 95
  percent.

• The
  documentary Orthodox Stance, about the Russian Jewish pugilist Dmitriy
  Salita, is at 80 percent.

• The Brazilian import
  Alice’s House,
  about the trials and tribulations of a Sao Paulo family, is at 60 percent.

• Trailer
  Park Boys: The Movie, based on the cult Canadian comedy show, is at
  57 percent.

• Lost
  in Beijing, a tale of complex love in modern China, is at 57 percent.

• And The
  Air I Breathe, a dark story based upon a Chinese proverb starring
  Forest Whitaker,
  Andy Garcia,
  Kevin Bacon, and
  Sarah
  Michelle Gellar, is at 13 percent.

  
  
  
  "I made this movie in hopes of paving the way for Zamfir
  3D."

Recent
Sylvester Stallone Movies:
——————————————–
75% — Rocky Balboa (2006)
71% — Shade (2004)
45% — Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003)
13% — Eye See You (2002)
13% — Avenging Angelo (2002)