No doubt Hellboy and Liz Sherman turn heads while playing
frolf at the park, or at IKEA when looking for mid-priced dressers. Superheroes
may be unusual, but, hey, even the unusual need relationships. And these two
have picked the best summer for their blockbuster love: between the rekindled
senior romance of Indy and Marion, the sight of Israeli and Palestinian stylists
knocking combs, and the sweet purity of Wall-E and EVE, it’s been a long season
of unusual relationships. Perfect for superheroes in love. In tribute to Hellboy
II: The Golden Army, here’s Rotten Tomatoes’ list of the most
memorable superhero hookups done in Movieopolis.
Like their “real-life” counterparts Jay (Jason Mewes) and Silent Bob (Kevin
Smith), these superhero buddies live by their own version of the force: a
shared love for Mary Jane. Wielding their bluntsabers side by side, Bluntman
and his loyal sidekick Chronic spring from the pages of Banky and Holden’s
comic in Kevin Smith’s Chasing Amy, then get the Hollywood treatment in
their film-within-a-film in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. With A-list
schmucks Jason Biggs and James Van Der Beek set to ruin the duo’s good name,
Jay and Silent Bob arrive just in time to film a pivotal fight against the
evil Cocknocker (Mark Hamill) with a cry of “Snootchie bootchies!” Just
remember, they’re not gay; they’re (super) hetero life partners. Man love can
be a beautiful thing.
The kids who didn’t have MTV were a desperate lot. Unable to quote
neither Beavis nor Butthead during school lunch, they would take up any
passing interest — pogs, video games, even those Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.
But amidst the cheesy costumes and dollar-store pyrotechnics was the show’s
consistent romance between Tommy, the Green Ranger, and Kimberley, the
Pink Ranger. For afternoon programming, the back-and-forth between the two was
unusually compelling. (One episode commercial even teased the idea of
marriage. Wild!) And in 1995, the two were lifted, along with the other
Rangers, into a big-budget, effects-laden theatrical movie. Uh, not that I was there opening day
or anything.
She’s a vampire; he’s a werewolf. She packs heat in black leather as a
member of the “Death Dealers”; he’s an innocent — but hunky — bystander who
happens to be descended from the very first lycan. Like Romeo and Juliet before
them, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman) have decades
of familial blood-feuding to get past, but who says a little inter-species love
can’t trump all? Their forbidden romance could even create the ultimate vampire-lycan
hybrid and unite — or destroy — the warring races forever. Now that’s a tale to
tell the grandkids.
Let’s face it: in the comics, the TV show, and in the
movies, Mr. Fantastic and the Invisible Woman have always been a bit
dullsville. It’s hard to empathize with a couple so opulently rich, and
equally hard not to chuckle at a husband whose main ability is reaching into
the window crack if he forgets his keys in the Fantasticar. But as part of the
entry-level Marvel canon, the Richards are everybody’s first exposure to
cross-superhero relationships. They got us to ponder the unique romantic
dynamics of having a girl who can shut you out of her force field bubble after
you forget your anniversary.
Not that the X-Men were lacking for hotties, but Jean Grey (Famke Janssen)
was the most alluring and seductive of the group. Powerful, mysterious, and
sensual, Jean also possessed a wild side that was so sexy it could rip the
skin right off your face, and this scared the bejeezus out of everyone. Scott
Summers, or Cyclops (James Marsden), the unofficial leader of the pack, seemed
to be the only one who was willing to brave Jean’s darker moods, but let’s get
real for a second here — he was a bit of a shmuck. Though he doted on Jean,
and his love for her could never be doubted, their relationship was a bit
rocky, due to the fact that he was a jealous boyfriend… and that Jean had a
habit of exploding with telekinetic energy from time to time. Enter Wolverine…
Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) was the quintessential “bad
boy” of the X-Men, the rebel, the rough-around-the-edges hardcase with a dark
past and a soft heart. So when he came traipsing into X-Mansion, flashing his
leather jacket and mutton chops, it only made sense that the equally troubled
Jean Grey would take notice. With Jean’s boyfriend Cyclops still milling
about, this couple refrained from acting upon their instincts, but the sexual
tension between them was thick enough to slice with an adamantium claw. When
Jean’s powers eventually came to overwhelm her, it was Wolverine who came to
her rescue and made the world right again. Theirs was a true testament to
unfulfilled affection, and the love triangle between Cyclops, Jean Grey, and
Wolverine helped add an extra layer to the franchise.
It’s love at first sight — kinda — when Manhattan attorney Matt Murdock
(Ben Affleck) first meets Elektra Natchios (Jennifer Garner) in a flirtatious
playground sparring match. But alas, neither is what they seem. In the tradition
of great tragic lovers, the romance between the blind crime fighter Daredevil
and the Greek assassin Elektra is as ill-fated as they come; separated by death,
she would dream of him again in her “second life” — the spin-off movie
Elektra.
On the surface, the marriage of Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl isn’t
particularly special. It’s essentially a what-if portrait were Mr. Fantastic a
chick, and The Thing a human dude. But if the private lives of Bob and Helen
Parr share similarities with the Richards (recurring themes include marital
stress, infidelity, and the struggle to find beauty in the mundane), they also
deal with these issues with extra wit and color. Throw in super-powered children
who add to the chaos but also deepen Mr. Incredibles and Elastigirl, and you
have some of the most fleshed-out heroes this side of Alan Moore.
While they don’t possess any real “super”
powers, per se, outside of the virtual world of the Matrix, Neo (Keanu Reeves)
and Trinity (Carrie-Anne Moss) comprise a formidable duo when they’re plugged
in. Somewhere in the midst of discovering the true nature of his “whoa”-ness,
gallivanting around his digital playground, and saving humanity from a future of
slavery, “The One” somehow finds the time to fall in love with his leather-clad
partner. For her part, Trinity is no slouch either, running up walls and
battling agents with reckless abandon, but only by combining their efforts and
making a few big sacrifices for each other is this power couple able to overcome
the vast army of killer robots they face. Sometimes, “one” plus three equals a kickass two.
1. Batman and Catwoman
As seen in: Batman Returns
(1992)
A compelling facet about the Batman universe is its
characters’ ability to represent polar extremes without reducing themselves to
cardboard cutouts. Naturally, Batman is order, while Joker entertains chaos, and
DC has shown just enough intricacy within these two to make their fight relevant
for decades. Now, Catwoman isn’t as simple. It’s apparent in Batman Returns that Selina Kyle can’t be labeled good or bad, but instead read as a
perpetual victim whose idea of fighting back is at odds with Batman’s. Catwoman
needs saving from herself and her vigilantism is questionable. That probably
explains the attraction between Bruce Wayne and Selina: in each other, they see
themselves. And it also probably explains why their tango is so compelling to
us: when your line of work involves hiding away from the world, genuine human
connection is a pretty rare thing.
As for honorable mentions, we had to respectfully
decline the presence of too-cutsey Rogue and Iceman, too-obscure The Strobe and
Ms. Indestructible, too-odd Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask, and Hancock and the
Mystery Superheroine We Can’t Reveal Because The Movie’s Not Even a Week Old.
Check out past editions of Total Recall in our column archives.
