Hey, guys, sorry to write that I didn’t catch Jason X last night, but instead got caught up in some Sci-Fi Channel original movie. You know the score: Horrible acting, worse cinematography, and cheap sets all spent on some stupid concept, in this case about a zombie serial killer cryogenically frozen and reawakened 400 years into the future. Oh, wait a minute…Yikes, Jason X: New worst entry in the series. At least A New Beginning, Jason Takes Manhattan, and Jason Goes to Hell felt like theatrical movies. This would have a hard time following an X-Files rerun.
As much as some readers have offered me support in trudging through these late-franchise entries, I’m more affected thinking about the people who consider themselves Friday fans. The ones who followed the series, awaited the finale, and then got a movie about worms. The ones who found appeal in the series then being unceremoniously, inexplicably resurrected, only to find that the producers were sending it into deep space. Hundreds of years in the future. Even fans of parts 7 through 9 don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment.
Though I’m still a mite catatonic from the viewing experience, I can recall, with some confidence, that Jason X has zero redeeming qualities. (That’s good in a way; I get to keep this entry short.) Though I think people are rather fond of the mining drill kill (Jason uppercuts a guy, who lands a giant drill and starts spinning around on it), but, come on, it’s a drill. Improperly stored, in the middle of nowhere. It obviously has no other purpose other than for people to fall on it and die.
There’s also the liquid nitrogen kill (Jason freezes a
girl’s face and smashes it against a counter) which is marginally interesting, but director James Issac is so hellbent on giving Kane Hodder hero shots that horror is leeched out from all the kills. Make Jason the hero rather than the monster and the only thing we’ll see is a guy in make-up pushing handsome actors around.
Ironically, when I first started this marathon, Jason X was among the one I was most eager to watch. Not because I was expecting it to be good, but because the description of the movie (“Something…but in space!”) is one of those jokes that you can’t believe has actual basis of fact in real life. I mean, it’s “Jason…but in space!” That has to be seen to be believed, right? Actually, no. No, it does not.
Jason X Vital Stats:
- Body Count: 21. Or, 25, if you count kills in the Danger Room.
- Survivors: 3. But one’s an android. And, even then, it’s only her head.
- Number of stalled cars: 0.
- Number of jammed guns: 1.
- Number of Jason-approved weapons: 7. Chain, machine gun, liquid nitrogen, pole, machete, mining drill, open electricity box.
Memories of Crystal Lake:
- Steve Barton of Dread Central: “Know why this movie failed so miserably at the box office? Because it had a death curse! Anytime one of your favorite movie monsters meets the fate of Leprechaun by getting shot into outer space, you really have to assume the worst. Strangely enough, though, the movie kind of worked and ended up being a lot of fun. After imposters, bloodless sequels, and intense bouts of homo-erotic shaving, Jason X played like a breath of fresh air.”
- Staci Layne Wilson of Horror.com: “Taking the original out of the equation, I have to confess that the two most-maligned of the slew of Friday the 13th sequels, A New Beginning and Jason X are my favorites. Why? Because they’re so bad they’re good. (Plus they both have “robots” – Violet, and Kay-Em 14 respectively.) You’ve got to love the fact that the franchise was so at the end of its hangman’s rope they couldn’t think of anything else to do but send the machete-wielding mass-murderer into space! Director Jason Isaacs is certainly no Stanley Kubrick, but the winks and nods to movies like 2001: A Space Odyssey are unmistakable. OK, maybe it’s a little more Spaceballs than Space Odyssey – but it’s a kick nonetheless. I ask you: in what other Friday movie can you see Jason Voorhees pulling an “Ice Cube”? Liquid nitrogen as a murder weapon? Awesome! Finally, the hockey mask makes sense and for that chilly kill alone, Jason X is worth the $1.99 bargain bin price and an hour plus of your time.”
- Luke Y. Thompson of LYTrules.com: “It’s a much derided notion among fanboys, that slasher franchises inevitably deteriorate until they get to “…in space” sequels. But I’ve loved every one so far! Hellraiser: Bloodline might be the only Hellraiser sequel I truly liked (and certainly the best “Alan Smithee” film ever), Leprechaun 4 has the Leprechaun bursting out of some poor sap’s crotch, which endears me immediately, and Jason X has Zombie Jason rebuilt with Nanoprobes into the Power Ranger villain Lord Zedd, apparently. Now, you can argue that it started to get really ridiculous here, and that’s part of the inevitable fate of most franchises — they get really silly, then reboot. Bond, Batman, Leatherface, now Jason…but if you’re going to make fun of the tropes, I would argue that a sci-fi setting is better than reality, because you have an inherent level of artifice to begin with. And David Cronenberg in a cameo? Jason causing dismemberment even while frozen solid? That’s entertainment. I’d like to have seen a sequel take off from the ending of this one, but that probably will never happen.”
Tomorrow: It’s the showdown. Time for Freddy vs Jason!
Schedule of Fridays:
